


Over a cup of coffee

by Darkrimmedeyes (Doggo_with_a_bloggo), Doggo_with_a_bloggo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Coffee Shops, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Healing, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Loki (Marvel), Psychological Trauma, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, plus size character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:21:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23100037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doggo_with_a_bloggo/pseuds/Darkrimmedeyes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doggo_with_a_bloggo/pseuds/Doggo_with_a_bloggo
Summary: "How can our love die,if it´s writtenin these pages"-rupi kaurMilk and honey
Relationships: Loki (Marvel) & Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 59





	1. He seems kind

**Author's Note:**

> I want to write this story mainly as a form of comfort. I want to have something to focus on and maybe write something someone out there can connect to. I´m not trying to romanticize or downplay any of the dark themes in this story, a lot of the things I'll be writing about happened to me/close friends so I'll be telling them from how I experience (ed) them.

Addison has always been a shy person. It was much more prominent in her youth and over the years she had gotten better at talking to people and socializing. Especially her job had helped her with developing her social life, after all, you can´t be a barista and just not talk to your customers. Her first few months were difficult, she didn´t know how to handle rude customers, got nervous easily when the coffee shop was full and her overall clumsiness was a hindrance that she didn´t want to get into.

But as the saying goes there´s always a silver lining, in this case, her silver lining was no other than Loki. She was aware of the irony, a shy mortal woman having a crush on the notorious demi-god that tried to take over her planet a few years ago. Of course, she was apprehensive at first, not only because of his past, no, he was over a head taller than her and their first meeting consisted of her bumping into his dark clothed frame and almost spilling the tray of left behind dishes and beverages onto him. She had apologized profusely, to her embarrassment she could feel tears burning in her eyes when his cold eyes met hers, surely he would yell at her, maybe get her fired by complaining to her boss! But to her surprise, he stepped aside, waved his hand which send the tray to the dishes and handed her a tissue. However, when he apologized to her for standing in her way and causing her distress she could almost feel her heart leap out of her chest, she had never heard his voice before and the way the words smoothly left him gave her an indication of why he was called "silver tongue". She knew that her face was probably beat red when he smiled reassuringly at her.

When she had gotten home that night she felt confused. He had been so kind and helpful, how could he be the same person that almost destroyed New York and was responsible for the death of multiple people? Well, she knew it wasn´t his fault, the Avengers released multiple statements with evidence that Loki was mind-controlled himself, some people refused to believe it but to Addison, it sounded plausible. The evidence added up and now that she had actually met him she highly doubted that he would ever be able to be as cruel as he seemed during the invasion. She still remembered how terrified she was during the attack, hiding in her bathroom, trembling and sobbing, holding her dog as close as she could to her body, trying to stay calm and collected while she heard the battle going on outside. Luckily though nothing happened to her or her family.

She didn´t manage to sleep that night. The thought of Loki, being used as a puppet haunted her. Ever since she had heard that he was being controlled she felt sorry for him, he was nothing more than a victim in this situation, unable to stop what was happening yet he received all the blame, it simply wasn´t fair.

A few days had passed since then, but the thought of Loki, particularly his charming smile, never fully left. She tried to shake it off as she served her customers throughout the day, slowly falling back into her routine of occasionally zoning out or getting lost in her mind as she went through her day. It was a curse and a blessing to be able to shut the whole world out, a blessing when she was focused and in the zone, a curse when she was needed elsewhere and in the zone, this time it happened to be a customer that seemingly grew impatient when the barista didn´t notice him immediately. He tapped his fingers on the counter and coughed in his hand, Addison however, who had her back turned to him and was washing out the containers of any residue didn´t notice his attempts of alerting her of his presence.

"Hey, excuse me?". He called over. Addison snapped out of it and turned around confused, though the confusion was soon replaced by a wave of guilt. 

"Oh, just a moment please, I´ll be with you right away sir!" Quickly she sat the containers down and moved over to the cash register.

"I´m sorry about that sir, what would you like to order?". She tried to shake the lingering shock of being caught off guard and offered him an apologetic smile.

The man rolled his eyes but gave her his order nonetheless. Addison chastised herself mentally

_Why do you always have to get distracted like this?_

_Why can´t you just pay attention?_

_Why are you so stupid?_

The last one hurt the most, the one she was told by most people through all her life. She took a breath and continued finishing the coffee. The man took it and hurriedly walked through outside, mumbling curses under his breath as he rushed away. She felt bad, she probably caused him to be late to some appointment or made him miss his bus or train.

_You stupid idiot, this is all your fault, just because you can´t be bothered to stay alerted like everyone else can._

_Why can´t you just be focused?_

_You´re pathetic._

She shook her head, trying to clear her mind. She took deep breaths, stretched her arms and legs out, using the techniques her yoga instructor gave her. Carefully she rolled her neck, shoulders, and wrists, hearing small pops as the edge of her tensions were lifted. She felt better, a bit more grounded, that was until she saw who had entered the store again. 

There he stood, wearing the same dark suit he did last time with a neutral expression on his face as he scanned the Cafe. When his eyes landed on hers a smile spread on his face. Addison felt her ears heat up and offered him a tinier more nervous smile in return. She wanted to hide, feeling overwhelmed with her emotional turmoil, interestingly though as he walked closer the demeaning voice in her head was momentarily quiet, instead her mind filled with:

_Oh god, he´s back! Should I thank him again for last time? How is he so handsome? His eyes are green not blue, oh yeah right he was mind-controlled. Oh no that´s right, wait he´s close enough for me to see his eyes! Say something, dummy!_

She gulped when he finally stood at the counter. Nervously she looked up at him, he had to be at least a head taller than her!

"Hey, it´s you again, thank you for helping me last time, I´m really sorry for bumping into you". Addison moved her hand rub over her upper arm in an attempt of self-comfort.

Loki chuckled and shook his head softly. "You truly don´t need to apologize to me, I hold no grudge towards you whatsoever." She visibly relaxed at his conformation of having no ill opinion of her.

"I was, however, hoping to properly introduce myself. I want to make up for causing you such distress, it truly wasn´t my intention to frighten you".

At this point Addison was sure that her entire face was red, his voice was so smooth and calming, she could listen to it all day. Snapping out of her daze she noticed that he seemed concerned and upset, was he blaming himself for her reaction? 

"You don´t have to make anything up to me, I´m just skittish like that, it wasn´t your fault". Loki seemed relieved at that, his charming smile once more back on his face. Addison decided that she liked seeing him relaxed and happy, it made his eyes shine.

"Thank you, my dear, though I´d still like to do something small as an apology, maybe buy you a drink perhaps?"

She thought about it momentarily, she didn´t like it when people spend money on her, but he really didn´t seem to mind and as much as she´d like to lie about it, she was flattered by his offer, the way he worded it made it seem like he was asking her out. The thought sent butterflies through her belly and she tried to calm herself.

"Oh! Yeah sure, did you have anything in mind?". Loki´s smile widened.

"Well, do you have a favorite place?".

She haltered, she wasn´t expecting him to ask her for a location but she immediately knew where she wanted to go.

"Actually, there´s this really cute cafe with cats, they do tarot card readings there too! We can go after my shift, I get off in twenty minutes. Oh uhm, if you want to that is.."

She trailed off, her enthusiasm faltering when she had a moment of doubt about her decision. This was the part where people usually gave her a weird look but Loki seemed to look intrigued. 

"Brilliant! I shall wait for you outside then". With that, he elegantly turned and walked out of the store. The heat in Addison's face hadn´t left as she finished her work and went to the back to change out of her working clothes. Adjusting her _Nasa_ sweater, pulling up her black jeans and slipping into her boots she threw her backpack over her shoulders and took a deep breath, time to ruin an impression.


	2. A "date" date?

As he had said, Loki was waiting outside the Caffè. It was a rather cold day for September but he didn't mind the temperature, as long as it wouldn't fall too deep he wouldn't have to worry about his appearance changing. As he was leaning against the building he checked the phone Thor made him get so they could communicate more easily that was until he realized Addison had joined him. With one fluent movement he put his phone back into his suit pocket and turned to look at his companion. 

His face lit up as he saw her out of her work clothes. To him she looked absolutely adorable, the loose sleeves of her black sweater covered parts of her hands which contrasted strongly with her pale skin and matched the dark coloured polish on her short nails. Her oversized clothes made her look even smaller than she already was though they couldn't cover up her curves completely. 

She pushed a loose strain of her now untied, short, curly, pink dyed hair behind her ear, the sunlight reflected against the multiple piercings and the small spiral gauge. 

He was momentarily so distracted by her appearance that he hadn't noticed that he was actually staring rather intently at her, that was until her voice snapped him out of it. 

"So uh.....Oh I haven't even told you my name yet! I'm Addison or Addie for short". With that she reached her hand out to him awkwardly.

Loki took it, noticing how small hers was compared to his, despite her rather long fingers. The colour on her cheeks depended as his big warm palm shook hers. 

"Addison, that's a beautiful name. I'm sure you already know but I'm Loki, it's nice to meet you Addison. Shall we go then?".

She nodded and began walking down the road, Loki kept a respectful distance from her as he walked next to her. People that noticed to two of them either looked at them questionably, confused as to why anyone would willingly walk next to him, or kept their heads down, most were too caught up in their own lives to care anyways. 

There was a silence between them for a while, it wasn't uncomfortable but it felt weird, so gathering her courage Addison turned to look up at him. From her angle she could clearly make out his strong jawline and sharp cheekbones 

"So, how do you like Earth so far?". She mentally slapped herself, yeah ask the guy who was mind-controlled how he likes the planet he was forced to attack.

"It's certainly different from Asgard, though I must admit I'm taking a liking to the literature, art and theater your people created. I quite like Shakespeare, Edgar Allan Poe and Charles Dickens".

She smiled at that, he sounded genuinely interested in learning about her planests culture.

"I like Edgar Allan Poe too, I can't read Shakespeare though, the old way of writing is incomprehensible to me and I only read a Christmas Carol and Oliver Twist so I don't know much about Dickens works...oh if you like dark poetry I can recommend Milk and Honey, it's my favorite poetry book".

Loki stepped a bit closer to her.

_So she liked poems too?_

"The way Shakespeare writes is actually close to how we used to Speak on Asgard not too long ago. Milk and honey you say? I think I've heard about it before but if you like it I will definitely read it." 

She blushed at the subtle compliment as they crossed the road. For some reason she felt comfortable around him, usually she had a apprehension towards men, especially those who were much taller and stronger than her. Logically she should be scared of him and to a degree she was, he was a God, a prince of Asgard and Thors brother. She tried to shake the thoughts out of her head but to no avail. 

Loki had noticed how she suddenly seemed a bit more closed off to him, she was walking a tiny bit faster, her shoulders were hunched and to his dismay her different coloured eyes avoided his. But suddenly as if she had remembered something she fell back into her earlier pace.

It didn't take long until they reached their destination.

Through the glass door Loki could already make out a few couches, seats and tables. Most spots were empty and those that weren't had young people with their laptops, books or one of the Cafés cats to keep them busy. He reached over Addison's head, who in turn jumped, once his palm was next to her to push the door open. He frowned at that, Addison quickly shuffled inside and continued to hold the door open for him to follow in, though there was a glimmer of fear in her eyes now. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you". 

Addison took a breath and forced herself to calm down, he hadn't tried to hit her, he was just opening the door from behind her, it was a misunderstanding on her part. 

_Look at what you did, you made him feel guilty and you wonder why no one likes you?_

"It's fine, you did nothing wrong. Common, I could really use something warm now". She smiled, hoping that he wouldn't press on her reaction. 

He wanted to ask her about it, of course she told him that she was skittish but something about how she flinched, profusely apologized and minded eye contact to him just struck out to him. He decided to not bring it up and simply followed her to the counter. Soft lofi music played in the background, keeping the atmosphere comfortable and relaxed. 

A young man with tied back brown hair smiled at Addison and she smiled back, happily leaning forward so he could talk to her more easily. Just like Addison he had a lot of freckles dusted oved the bridge of his nose and cheeks though he was more tanned than she was. 

"Hey Damian, how are you?". His smile brightened. 

"Oh you know, I'm good, nothing special" with that he stretched his hand out to her, a simple silver ring decorated his left finger and Addison gasped. 

"He proposed?! I told you Tim was a catch". The man flushed and he withdrew his hand glancing at the ring lovingly. 

"He asked the question while we sat on our balcony..I'll tell you the details later, for now, your usual?". 

She turned to look at Loki who had been quiet through the whole interaction, he himself had a smile on his face as he watched Damian reach for the cups, his green eyes locked on the ring. It was good to know that he was open minded. With the knowledge of him being accepting she immediately felt calmer. She nodded at Damians question and stepped aside as the young man looked at Loki for his order. 

"I would like a coffee mocha please, I'm paying for both". He handed him a hundred dollar bill "Keep the change". 

Damian took the money in disbelief and began to work on the order. Addison looked at him with big eyes, she knew from experience that most people don't tip so seeing him basically hand out ninety dollars shocked her. Loki chuckled and leaned down slightly to be able to whisper in her ear. 

"Don't worry about the money, Stark won't miss it, besides, I know most jobs don't pay enough". He grinned, if Stark only knew how much of his precious money was going out to the lower middle working class. 

Addison rolled her eyes at the mentioning of the CEO. "I don't like Stark. Just another rich man thinking he's better than the common people so it's good that you're spending his money". 

They took their orders and decided on a seat in the back of the Caffè. Loki sat down on the arm chair while Addison took the couch, the seat next to her was occupied by a cream coated ragdoll cat that immediately rubbed its head against the woman's thigh contently. Addison gently scratched the cats throat as she settled in her seat. 

"You're right, I don't like Stark either but I have to deal with him. He doesn't like to listen to anyone, especially when he has a decision set, though at least I'm allowed to leave the tower now". He took a sip of his coffee, mentally noting to come back here again alone for the taste, and folded one of his long legs so his ankle rested on the other knee. 

"He tried convincing my brother not to speak to me, can you believe that?". He chuckled, remembering Thor's outrage when he had visited him in his cell one day. It was during his rehabilitation after both Odin and the Avengers realized that Loki wasn't responsible for his actions during New York. 

"What a Dick...I'm sorry you had to go through that". Addison leaned back, the cat next to her took that as an invitation to climb onto her lap and curl up on it. She lazily petted the small things heads. 

"You shouldn't take that shit from Stark...".

Loki suddenly felt oddly warm at the words of compassion and care, the last time someone truly understood him was his mother. Whilst he loved Thor there was still a wall between them, a wall that never existed between his mother and him. He watched her gently handle the warm ball of furr on her lap it reminded him of Frigga, she was always so kind to all creatures, something he had always secretly admired. 

"I assure you my dear, I can handle him, he's not nearly as smart as he thinks, especially when he's up against illusions". He waved his fingers, the tips glowing green. 

Addison smiled, settling down her cup to be able to pet the cat better. This was more relaxing than she thought it would be. Loki was genuinely being fun and nice, talking to him felt easy, almost like she'd known him for a while. But there was still this feeling of uneasiness lingering in the back of her mind, her guard was still up and her body was still ready to run or fight incase something happened. She knew she'd feel the aftermath of her muscle tension later. 

"You know...you really didn't have to invite me for coffee as an apology, I'm a scaredy cat, I get startled a lot" 

Loki rolled his eyes playfully and casually leaned forward, setting his leg down on the ground again. 

"Addison, what if I told you that I didn't just took you out as an apology but also because I wanted to get to know you?". 

Her eyes snapped up at him, her blue iris seemed almost grey in the light whilst the brown one glowed like honey, they held eye contact for a few long seconds before she looked back down again. Her cheeks and the tips of her ears were bright red as she nervously rubbed over her arm. 

What was she going to do now? 


	3. Can it be true?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you deserve to be  
> completely found   
> in your surroundings   
> not lost within them 
> 
> -rupi kaur
> 
> Milk and honey

The hand that had been lazily brushing the cats furr was now shaking. A confused noise rumbled through the pet's chest as it's head perked up, licking over the skin it could reach in hopes to calm Addison. 

_He wants to get to know me?_

_Why? I'm not special, I'm not attractive, he's way out of my league!_

_I don't deserve his attention._

_This has to be a dream, he can't be serious._

"Addison? Are you alright?". Loki's concerned voice interrupted her monologe and helped her focus back on the here and now. 

"Huh?...oh...yeah uh.. I'm fine, I just didn't expect you to say that...". She trailed off, cuddling the ragdoll on her lap closer to her, the cat let Addison hold her, purring audibly at the affection. 

"It's uhm...dont get me wrong, I'm flattered, really I am! I just....". He waited patiently for her to explain, the gentle expression on his face was almost enough to comfort her. How could someone as intimidating as him look so gentle? 

_It's just that I never had a stable relationship with another man_

She wanted to shout it out, to get it out of her body and mind, to free herself, but instead she finished with;

"I was just surprised, I haven't been asked out in a while". 

She took another sip of her coffee to ground herself, the hot beverage burned her tongue but she didn't care, it distracted her from her raging nerves and thoughts. A frustration spread inside her, she was mad at herself, she should have moved on at this point, shouldn't make Loki feel bad because she wasn't able to get better. He deserved better than what she was currently offering. 

She plastered on her best fake smile when she noticed how worried Loki still looked, this was a date, they were supposed to have a good time, it's what they both deserved. 

He seemed to belive her facade to a degree though, since he relaxed back into his seat, but neither of them could deny the tension that was still lingering around them. 

Of course Loki knew she wasn't being completely honest with him, he was the God of lies after all but he didn't want to risk making Addison feel uncomfortable or even more scared by pushing her to tell him what was really going on so instead he tried to shift the topic to a lighter note. 

"I can't see why, you're a beautiful, kind, charming young woman. May I ask what you like to do in your free time?". 

Addison smiled, he was so good with words that even though she had troubles believing compliments from anyone but her close friends she still felt like he truly meant what he was saying. It had always been hard for her to believe anything nice that was said about her, after all, her own parents couldn't even speak positively of her, so how were random people supposed to? 

She had that mindset for years, believed that she was worthless, unlovable, that she was simply a disappointment. Those thoughts were only affirmed by the hateful comments the kids in school and her other relatives spewed at her.

_You're so stupid!_

_Why can't you be like your cousin, she's such a fine young lady, but you..._

_You should be thankful you ungrateful brat!_

_You're just lazy, everyone else did their homework on time!_

_You can't even do the most simple thing right!_

_Stop crying or I'll give you something to be upset about._

No one helped, her teachers shrugged it off and she didn't have any friends. It all became too much until eventually she began repeating the insults in her head, lecturing and berating herself until they were burned into her consciousness. 

She became apathetic, every day was a drag until they all fused into a blurry haze, even now Addison couldn't remember what happened during those years, it was like her mind shut off. She didn't mind at the time, it felt good to be numb, good to not be hurt or shocked by the cruelty of her surroundings, maybe it was better that way.   


"I play the piano." She finally said as she came to herself. 

"My parents put me in lessons when I was young but I still like to play it. I like watching movies or playing video games. Sometimes I draw...oh I'm really good at roller and ice skating, do you skate?". 

Loki shook his head, he was happy to hear the passion, joy and enthusiasm return back into her voice. "I never tried it before, I heard it's great fun though". 

"It is! I'm sure you'd like it, I bet you'd be really graceful and learn it in no time". She could picture him so clearly, smoothly gliding across the ice. With his long muscular legs, athletic form and his confidence she was sure he'd look absolutely elegant.

"Perhaps you could show me someday, if you still want to see me after today that is".

Addison thought for a moment. Trying to think if there had been any red flags but she couldn't find any. He had been nothing but polite, showed interest in her and even apologized for things he shouldn't have felt sorry for. She looked back up again, actively seeking eye contact this time.

She could see vulnerability in them, he was probably expecting her to reject him, to push him away out of fear or because of his past. She knew he deserved a chance to proof that he bettered himself and she'd lie if she said she didn't want to see him again. This wasn't something she was familiar with but it felt good, so maybe she could try, try to enjoy herself for a while. 

"Of course I do! I'm having a good time with you Loki".

He relaxed, his thin lips forming a calm smile.   
He was worried that he had unintentionally made her feel unsafe or said something wrong but she was being honest. 

"I'm glad to hear that my dear, unfortunately I must take my leave now, I promised Thor to help him with a favor. Would you mind giving me your number so we can continue from there?".

Addison nodded, while she was disappointed that he had to leave early she was also touched that he was keeping up his promise to his brother.

She pulled out her phone before he stood up so he could add her to his contacts. 

They locked eyes again, bid their goodbye and with that he left the Café, leaving behind a flustered, confused Addison.

She looked at the now empty seat across from her, still in disbelief about the last few hours. She just had a date, not just that but she had a good time, despite the negative thoughts that managed to find their way in her mind, he was..nice.

_Bzzzzzzz_

She looked down at her phone, she had received a new text from a unknown number. She figured it was Loki since she hadn't given anyone else her number recently, though she was still surprised at how quickly he messaged her. Butterflies spread through her again, was she really that important? 

_My dear, I hope to see you again soon, safe travels home._

  
She couldn't help but smile at the text, even if it was simple. And for a moment she felt blissful, like there was nothing wrong with the world, it was almost scary yet, she liked it, weary that she couldn't trust it she let herself feel the bliss for a moment before putting her guard back up. He might seem nice, but so did all the others, so did...he..she shook her head, deciding not to let her mind go there as she gently sat the cat back on the couch, giving it a last scratch before she too went home, waving Damian goodbye on her way out.


	4. Chapter 4

Addison unlocked the door to her apartment, a unfamiliar warmth had settled in her after she thought about Loki. She knew it was too early to have these feelings of attachment to him, they had only met twice after all and the first time was on pure accident. She shook her head, feeling foolish for being this taken by a man she only had one conversation with. But she couldn't help it, something in her seemed drawn to him for whatever reason.

"Alistair! I'm home buddy!". She called out, flicking on the light to her living room and plopping down on the brown couch where she kicked her boots off. 

The sound of paws hitting the floor soon echoed through the place. The black German Sheppard enthusiastically trotted over to his owner, jumping on the spot next to her to lay himself on his back. Understanding the hint Addison began rubbing her dog's belly, much to Alistair's delight.

This was Addisons favorite part of the day, coming home to her best friend in the entire world. She had adopted him from the shelter when he was a puppy, his previous owners couldn't keep him so they gave him away. When Addison saw him she immediately knew that he was the perfect companion for her and she was right. He was a calm dog, and after a few sessions with a trainer she realized he was smart too. She had grown up with dogs, actively contributing to their training and care. So when she was asked if Alistair was going to be a guard dog, the decision came easy to her.

He hadn't lost his nature through the training, he was as friendly as ever and would only attack at Addisons command or in a situation of danger. With his license up to date and the proper tag on his collar Addison wasn't worried to go out with him, no matter how many judgmental looks she received for owning a dog of Alistairs size. It was a good side affect actually, people were less prone to bother her when she had him with her, especially men seemed to keep their distance from her.

She let her fingers brush through his soft coat.

"Hey baby! Oh did you miss me? I missed you too, you're such a good boy, the best boy even!". His tail wagged against the couch and he flippes himself over, laying his head on Addisons thigh, nudging against her to indicate that he demanded more affection in which she happily indulged him in. 

"Mommy had a big day today, I had a date, can you believe that?". She kept her tone light and positive, trying to sound as engaging as she could for her dog. Of course she knew he couldn't understand her but she had never met a single pet owner that didn't talk to their animal.

"He's very handsome and charming, I'll probably see him again soon, yeah...maybe I can take you along sometime too". She scratched him behind his flopped ear, smiling when he leaned into her hand.

Addison stretched out on the couch, signaling for Alistair to lay himself on her. As gently as his size allowed him, he climbed over her to lay his head on her shoulder. He was a comforting weight on her as she wrapped her arms around him. She reached for the remote control on the arm rest behind her, flicking the TV to Netflix. She skipped through her list and decided on a show that she had already finished. She set the volume low, put the remote away and let herself relax.

________________________________________________

"So how did it go brother?". Thor asked as he stretched out, already eyeing the training equipment on the wall.

Loki turned to him, keeping a tight hold on the throwing knife between his fingers.

Since Loki has been released Thor tried to find a way for them to be around each other again but with the team still being distrustful the only way to do that was to ask Loki for "favors" as part of his redemption. Loki didn't mind though, at least now they could bond without Stark or the others breathing down their neck constantly. 

Tony in particular was trying to keep an eye on them, calling Thor biased for his opinion on his brother. He had argued with the God until in the heat of the conversation Tony became so personal that Thor, in a moment of rage, smashed the house bar with Mjölnir. They hadn't talked since. 

"I'd say it went well. We both like to read, she plays the piano and we both dislike Stark, so it's fair to say she's smart. No offense". He grinned at Thor who shrugged the playful insinuation off.

"Tony can be....difficult". He admitted with a forced chuckle, trying not to think about their fall-out, Loki didn't need to know how bad it actually was.   
Thor leaned down and chose the heaviest set of weights.   
"So when shall you see her again?".

Loki put the knives away to instead join his brother, he grabbed the slightly lighter weights and sat on the bench next to Thor. .

"I'm not sure brother, I don't want to push her to make a decision if she's not ready. She's rather reserved so I'll give her a bit of time".

Thor seemed to agree with Loki's plan so they continued their training for a few hours. While they were silent for most of it they both enjoyed the company of each other, maybe over time they could become close again. As the brothers departed to their separate rooms Loki noticed a new message on his phone.

________________________________________________

Calm music echoed through Addison's small bathroom, accompanied by her humming. The combined steam of her bath and scented candles danced through the air and clouded the mirror. She hadn't taken bubble bath as indulgent as this for a long time but today she decided she deserved it, sort of a self care treatment. She was rather proud of how she handled the last few days and remembered how her therapist advised her to reward herself for her good day's. Besides that though she knew it would take the edge of her soreness and muscles tensions off, though she'd have to take her pain killers anyways. 

A content sigh left her pink lips as she relaxed back in the tub, feeling the heat of the water engulf her freckled chest and shoulders. As she layed back she glanced at her phone. It rested on the stand where her speakers and cup of tea sat. 

She wanted to check it but stopped herself, it would buzz if he replied she told herself, no point in driving herself mad by observing the chat. The last message was from her, sent about thirty minutes ago and simply read. 

  
_Hey, I got home alright, I hope you did as well, thank you for the good time today!_

She usually didn't like to take initiative, unsure of what to do but she wanted Loki to know that she was actually interested in him as well, she knew it would be good for her to overcome her unnecessary anxiety anyways. 

She stayed in the tub for a while longer. After she got out she continued her routine of moisturizing her now pink flushed skin, taking off her light daily make up, swallowing down her medication and turning on her favorite audio book to sleep. 

As she layed in bed and cuddled Alistair she suddenly got a reply from Loki. Her heart fluttered as she opened the chat. 

_I'm relieved to hear you made it home safe, I did too. You needn't thank me, it was my pleasure. Sleep well my dear, pleasant dreams, I shall text you tomorrow._

She smiled and typed out a response. 

_You too, goodnight Loki, talk to you tomorrow!_

As she settled into her bed she felt content, happy, calm. She couldn't wait for the next day. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than I originally planned. I apologize for any grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language.
> 
> And for anyone curious here is a link to my oc board on pinterest, these aren't all set in stone things but rather to get and idea https://pin.it/6DCWkcr
> 
> Thank you to anyone leaving kudos, reading this or commenting, I appreciate all of you 💕

* * *

It was 4:00 am when Addison's alarm started to go off, at least it was one of her favorite songs and not some obnoxious ringing. She reached over to her night stand with a groan, turning on the lamp next to her bed so she could adjust to the light more comfortably, she hated waking up early but it had to be done. Her next move was to turn off the alarm and lay back down, not quite ready to start the day yet. She felt around her bed until her hand bumped against Alistair who had opened his dark eyes as well.

"Morning buddy..". She grumbled in her sleep heavy voice.

Alistair wagged his tail and stood up before stretching himself out with a audible yawn, a habbit out of his puppy hood he never grew out of and it never failed to cheer Addison up, even if she had to wake up this early.

Gently he inched forward to press his cold snout against Addison, enthusiastically sniffing her face and licking over her cheek. Addison tried to shield herself from him but he simply moved his affection to her exposed neck. She giggled and pushed him back. Alistair blew air through his nose at her, it sounded like a scoff, almost like he was offended at her rejection. 

"You're such a baby, a big, needy baby". She chuckled and sat up, lifting her pale arms over her head until she heard her shoulders, joints and back pop, there was a dull ache starting to build up in her upper back region but at this point she had become accustomed to the chronic pain her spine caused. 

She flicked on the ceiling light, blinking at the uncomfortable exposure to the brightness that would fade as quickly as it came. After her eyes adjusted she took her phone into her hands. She checked her social media, nothing special there, no new messages either, no surprise giving the time though she had to remember to call up Damian later, he still had to tell her about his engagement. But first things first, she had to get dressed. She opened her Spotify, clicked on her morning Playlist and let the calm beats play through her room. 

This was a regular day for Addison, waking up extra early to take Alistair on a big walk whilst still being able to get ready for her morning shift comfortably. Even if she had extra time to spare she'd rather be up an hour too early then risk being late by five minutes. She had always hated not being on time, it drew too much attention on her. 

Now that she thought about it she couldn't help but notice the irony, before she got her meds she used to stay awake throughout entire nights, usually falling asleep around 4am, if she was lucky that is. Unfortunately though most of the time she couldn't find rest until her body simply gave out on her and she fell asleep on the bus ride to school or during classes.

**One time she couldn't hold out and rested her throbbing head on the breakfast table, a big mistake on her part, not even a minute had passed until her parents noticed. Her father slammed his suitcase near her face, causing his young daughter to snap out of it with a scream.**

**Mr. Myers looked at her with a grim expression, his cold blue eyes fixed on her through his glasses. "What do you think you're doing Addison?".**

**The girl in question gulped, trying to avoid the glare her father shot at her but she knew better than to avoid the eye contact.**

**"I...I don't know...I'm sorry dad, I was...I don't feel well, my head hurts and I couldn't sleep".**

**Her father blew air through his nose, beckoning her over to his side with a hand gesture.**

**She quickly scrambled off her seat, not wanting to irritate him any further and stood in front of the tall man, her hands were shaking but she tried her best to keep the trembling under control.**

**The back of her father's large calloused hand met her forehead, then her cheek, he looked her all over and called over his wife. "Darling, does she look pale to you?".**

**Mrs. Myers walked up next to her husband and squinted her soft brown eyes at their child before shaking her head. "No, at least not any paler than usual, does she feel warm?"**

**He shook his head and pulled out a cigarette, holding it between his teeth to light it up. He took a deep drag and blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth which caused Addison to let out a few coughs. Dismissively he shrugged past both his wife and daughter, took his suitcase and walked to the front door, before he left he turned to them, looking at Addison.**

**"Quit complaining if you aren't sick, you did this to yourself by staying up so you're going to school, understood?".**

**Addison nodded hesitantly and went back to her seat, feeling the tears gather in her eyes**. 

Luckily, those times were over she reminded herself, she had moved out years ago and avoided contact to her parents as best as she could and surprisingly, they let her be, at least for the majority. That didn't matter now though, she didn't want to waste more time dwelling on those memories so instead she went to her closet and took of her pyjamas. She glanced over her clothes and decided on a simple black t-shirt with a sunflower on the front with black jeans. 

_Maybe I should go shopping again, I could use some more colour in there._

As she looked over her outfit in the mirror she couldn't help but pinch at her stomach, waist, thighs and hips. She looked at her arms, fingers and legs, they were average, even proportionally thin to an extend. She had always been a bigger person, since she was a young teen and no matter what she tried to loose weight it just didn't seem to work, diets, exercise, hell even fasting didn't do anything! Whilst it didn't affect her health or got in the way of her everyday life she still felt like she was wrong, that she should be ashamed. 

_No, stop it, you're healthy that's all that matters._

_Don't let these thoughts get you down, you're better than that._

_You can do this._

It took her a few minutes to gather herself. Over the years she had started to accept herself, taking her therapists advice of replacing the cruel words and pointing things out she actually liked about herself. 

_It'll get easier, you know it will, it already has._

She rubbed her thumb over the delicate tattoo on her left wrist, a flower band consisting of lavender and forget me not. Her favorite flowers. 

With a deep breath she adjusted the shirt to go over her hips and went to check her phone to see the weather report for the day. 

"Damn, 10°C...". Working in a warm coffee shop with thick clothes wasn't an option. She decided to just pull her turtle neck over later so she wouldn't get cold under her jacket, that way she also would need a scarf. 

As she rolled her thick winter socks on to comfortably slip into her boots that she almost forgot in the living room yesterday, Alistair had already gotten the hint of what was gonna happen next and sat next to her, hsk tail wagging rapidly and his eyes shifting between her hands that were tying the shoe laces together and the open bedroom door. 

Addison got up, followed by the shepherd and took the harness with matching leash of the wall. 

"Alistair, sit." Ever the obedient dog he was he followed the order without hesitation, making it easier for his owner to set him up, she slid on her coat and left her apartment as quietly as she could into the cold morning. 

________________________________________________

"So what happened then?!" Addison sat at the edge of her seat. Damian had called her a little while ago while she was preparing breakfast, luckily he had the morning shift as well so he had to wake up around the same time as her. 

"Well after we ate Tim started talking about how we met and how we changed each other's life's for the better and then he said, he wanted to spend the rest of his with me. He went down on his knees and asked me to marry him, it was so beautiful". 

Addison smiled, picturing Damian and Tim on the balcony under the night sky, she knew that they'd tie the knot eventually, they had talked about it before and Tim had hinted a few times that he was planning to propose. She was happy for them, Damian had been her best friend since college were he had also met Tim. They got together soon after and had been a happy couple since then. 

"How does it feel? Being engaged I mean?". Addison asked, setting away the dishes. 

"Honestly I can't really describe it. We've been together for seven years now and I don't think anything will change...still, I can't wait to be able to introduce myself as Mr. Cox or when people ask who that man on my arm is I can proudly say, that's my husband". Damian chuckled until he suddenly remembered something he'd been meaning to ask Addison. 

"Hey Ad?" He paused "Were you on a date with Loki yesterday?". 

A small blush spread on her cheeks at the word 'date'. 

"Yeah...I bumped into him a little while ago and he wanted to make up for startling me. But while we sat there he told me he wanted to get to know me". 

"Was the date good? From what I could see you two really hit it off!" 

She could almost hear Damians smile through the phone. 

"Yeah, I'd say so, we have a good bunch in common and exchanged numbers. We both want to see each other again but...". She trailed off, flashes of past memories appeared in her inner eye. 

"Damian...what if...what if something goes wrong?" 

There was a moment of heavy silence between them before her friend replied to her concern. 

"Well...you know the red flags this time. If your next date goes well tell him you want to take things slow, see how he'll react to the prospect and if you ever feel unsafe you can always sleep at my place or I'll come over to you, ok? I'm here for you and so is Tim". 

The reassurance and words of confidence managed to make Addison feel better, even a little more confident in her ability to stand up for herself. 

"Thanks man, I gotta hang up now but I'll text you later ok?" 

"Yeah no problem! Talk to you soon". With that the phone call was ended and Addison walked off to her bedroom to retrieve her pill case. 

She took out her anti depressant and first dose of pain killers before putting the case into her backpack for later. 

The clock now read 5:30am, she still had a comfortable hour. 

Petting Alistair goodbye she walked out of her apartment, locked the door and began her walk to work. 

The sun still wasn't up yet. But as she walked under the street lights she could make out her neighbors getting out of their homes as well. It always made her feel safe, knowing that there were multiple familiar faces around while she walked to work in the dark all on her own, at least it wasn't too far away from her place, a good fifteen minute walk but she didn't mind, it was actually kind of nice to be able to walk through the city without constantly being bumped into. 

As she walked she put in her headphones, this time on one of her metal Playlists, it always helped her with feeling more awake. She gently swayed her head to the music, mouthing along side the lyrics until she stood in front of the Café that she swiftly unlocked and shut again once she was inside, knowing that her coworkers would arrive soon as well, she was always the first on duty which gave her the opportunity to change more comfortably into her work clothes. 

She checked the schedule as she tied the back of her black apron, she had a short shift today, the pay off for working over time for the last few months. She took out her phone, the display read 5:50am, she still had over an hour to prepare the shop. 

Hesitantly she opened her messenger and opened Loki's chat. She knew he was probably still asleep but it was still worth a try. 

_Good morning, I hope you slept well. If you want we can meet today again, my shift ends at 11am._

She send the text as soon as she typed it out so she wouldn't have second thoughts. She put her phone back into her jeans pocket right as her coworker walked in, Addison smiled at her and they engaged in friendly conversations as they got the Café ready for service. 

Three hours into her shift she suddenly felt her phone buzz. She glanced around, it was still early and not many customers had come in yet so she excused herself and went to the employees bathroom. She hated leaving her place without good reason but her guilt vanished as she saw the reason why her phone went off. 

_Good morning my dear, yes I slept well, I hope you did too. I'll take you up on your offer, I'll be there at 10:30 so I can get my morning coffee if that's good for you._

She had to contain her enthusiasm as she replied. 

_Yes of course, I have to get back to work, see you later!_

She put her phone back, looking at her reflection to notice that her eyes were actually shining. Wherever that was good or not she wasn't sure, this was all happening so fast yet it felt so good. Trying to not think about it she flushed the toilet, washed her hands and adjusted her hair to make it look more believable that she actually used the bathroom. Now with butterflies in her stomach she returned back to the counter and continued her shift. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS
> 
> Mentions of past abuse 
> 
> Panic attack 
> 
> PTSD  
> _____________________________
> 
> I feel like I should clarify that panic attacks aren't the same for everyone experiencing them. The description I'm using is how I experience most of them when they're caused by a specific trigger, the same goes for the comfort method I'm using. 
> 
> Please don't think this is a universal description of panic attacks or how to comfort someone going through them.
> 
> With that out of the way I want to note once again that I don't want to romanticize any of these issues and any depictions of traumatic experiences or mental issues are from first hand experiences as writing for me is a coping mechanism. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone reading 💕

"I can't believe how you can be so cheerful, It's 10am, we should still be in bed by now!". Sam, one of Addisons coworkers grunted quietly at her as they went to the backroom to bring out more products. 

Sam was the youngest of the team, she had turned twenty during the summer and this was her first official job. She reminded Addison of herself in a way, young, fresh out of school and new to the work force so it was no wonder that she took Sam under her wing so to speak. 

"Well I'm used to the hours at this point, not to mention I can get off early today." 

Sam smiled at her. "Lucky, I'm happy for you though! Maybe I should do some overtime too...then I could hang out with my friends more when they're free". She rambled on, more to herself than Addison. 

Of course she wouldn't tell her the real reason for her cheery aditude, how would you even tell someone about it without them drilling questions into you? Besides it wasn't like it was anything serious yet right? Just casually seeing someone after a good time, no need to get nervous about that...right? So why did the thought of him make her heart beat faster? Why did she want to hear his smooth, calming voice again so much? Why was she so attached already, was she doing something wrong? 

She tried not to worry about it but she couldn't deny that she didn't have much dating experience. Maybe she was rushing things, was she moving too fast? How many people had Loki beenwith before? What If she made him feel obligated to meet up with her, what if he wanted to take some time off or-

"Hey Addison, you ok?". Sam asked, walking in front of her to block whatever she was staring at during her zone out. 

"Huh?...Oh, yeah I'm fine, I was just thinking if I should go shopping today, haven't been in a while". The lie came easy to her, so did the smile she put on to ease her coworkers concern. 

Sam smiled back and they went back to quiet small talk in between orders. 

As she rang one of her customers up she noticed the glass door opening from the corner of her eye. She didn't want to stare, not wanting to make whoever entered the Café uncomfortable. She did however have a suspicion on who it was. 

Only after the customer she just served left did she turn to look at the footsteps that approached the counter.

As she expected, it was Loki. She had mentally prepared herself for this moment but as she noticed his outfit she had to hold herself back from swooning. The top part of his hair was tied back in a man bun with two viking braids, how fitting, she thought to herself. A green scarf loosely hung around his shoulders over a black sweater. She could see that he was wearing a white collared shirt underneath. It made the whole attire look a bit more formal, matching his dark dress pants and leather shoes.

She had already assumed that Loki preferred a more serious and elegant style, at least when going out, saying that though this was a more casual look, at least compared to the all black suit and his battle armor. She liked it, somehow it made him look more approachable. 

"Good morning, may I take your order?". She wanted to compliment him so bad but didn't want to expose herself on her job though she was sure that her face, which felt suspiciously warm, had already given her away to him. 

Loki pulled his wallet out of his black overcoat pocket. 

"Yes, could I please get a large hazelnut latte?". Addison smiled at the request, it was her favorite type of coffee. 

"Of course, that'll be four dollars please". 

Like he did yesterday Loki handed her a hundred dollar bill. Addison decided she'd just split the money up with her coworkers. 

She carefully prepared his drink, hoping that she wouldn't mess up in front of him. Miraculously she managed just fine and handed it to him with a smile. "I hope you'll enjoy it, have a good day". 

Loki took it from her with a grin, his long fingers briefly brushing over hers. "Thank you, I'm really looking forward to it". 

The short touch startled Addison slightly. Despite just coming in his skin felt surprisingly warm, even though she had been handling hot beverages all morning. The subtle hint to their date in his words wasn't lost to her either and the reassurance that he actually wanted to be here caused a inner tension in Addison to lift. 

With his cup in hand he walked outside and sat down at one of the tables that were visible through one of the big windows. This would make leaving together easier. 

The rest of her shift ticked down slower now that Loki was waiting for her. Occasionally she'd steal glances at him, he had eye contact with her a few times with a self righteous expression on his face that made Addison want to cover her face in embarrassment of being caught red handed. 

Finally, after what felt like a eternity she could clock out. Quickly she went to the backroom, hitting her side against the frame on her way, and changed out of her work clothes which she hung back to their spot. As she walked out she waved her coworkers goodbye and immediately turned to the side where the outdoor seats were placed. 

Loki turned to her and got up, throwing his empty cup into one of the bins next to the tables. 

As he stood right in front of her she suddenly realized how small she felt, not only due to his height but his overall presence. He radiated with confidence, strength and charm, all things she knew she lacked. 

It was intimidating and as much as she tried to not let it affect her she took a small step back and dug her short nails in the palm of her hands. 

"Hey...it's good to see you again! I'm glad you had time". She stammered out, not wanting to cause an uncomfortable silence between them. 

Loki smiled. "It's good to see you too, shall we?". With that he began walking, motioning for Addison to follow. She took her spot next to him and stuffed her hands into her coat pockets. 

"I must say, I was surprised that you wanted to see me again so soon, pleasantly of course but surprised non the less". 

"Oh yeah I uh..I'm usually not that forward but...I had fun and thought maybe I can take initiative for a change, sorry if I interrupted any plans you had". She looked to the side awkwardly. 

_Was she being clingy?_

"You don't have to explain yourself to me or apologize, I'm happy you wanted to see me, I wanted to see you too". He could tell that there was something bothering her, he just didn't know what. 

She was quiet for a moment and shook her head before turning back to him with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I really like your outfit, I didn't take you for the casual look though".

He looked down at himself, Thor advised him to wear more common clothes instead of suits all the time, it would help him get adjusted easier. 

"Thank you my dear, you look just as lovely as I remember".

She felt the tips of her ears heat up and for a moment Loki could see a small glimmer in her mix matched eyes. 

_Lovely_. 

No one had ever called her that, especially not in such simple clothes. It gave her the confidence boost that she needed. 

"I just remembered, there's this new bookshop nearby that I wanted to check out, can we go there?". 

Loki agreed happily and let Addison lead the way. 

The shop was surprisingly big and despite it's just recent opening full with customers. Nervously Addison stepped closer to Loki as they entered the store. She was never a fan of big crowds, especially in a limited space. 

Fascinated by the large display she walked to the newest release section with Loki right next to her. His eyes glanced over the top sellers, quickly dismissing most titles but occasionally picking a book up to read the summary on the back.

Addison did the same, most titles and covers seemed to be in genres she wasn't interested in, until to her surprise she saw a familiar book, confused she picked it up, someone probably left it there.

"Hey check this out, I used to read this as a kid!". She held out the copy of the rather small book to Loki who gently, took it out of her hands. 

"Fear street?". He turned it around and read, to Addisons delight she could see his eyes widen a little before looking at her with a mischievous grin. 

"My, I never expected someone as gentle as you to have a evil flaire". 

Addison placed it where she first saw it and continued looking through the other options. 

"You'd be surprised, I actually really like horror and dark things". 

They continued to roam through the store, navigating around busy areas. To Loki it looked like she already knew exactly how to avoid the other customers as she effortlessly slid through the gatherings of people. Little did he know that she constantly looked around, seeking ways to pass by without drawing attention to herself at all, she had done this since she was in elementary school and over the years she had gotten better at finding spaces that she could walk through. 

As he watched her maneuvering her way, almost like a dance, he noticed how invisible she appeared. Not in the sense of him not being able to see her but more that despite her bright hair and all black attire she didn't stick out. She seemed so small like this, it reminded him of a fawn, hiding between the trees and grasses, desperately shielding itself from the predators nearby. 

If he was one of them in her mind, he couldn't tell. 

She kept moving forward, until someone blocked her path, he had moved in front of her unexpectedly which caused Addison to bump into his frame which caused the man to stumble ever so slightly. Almost immediately she backed up from him, she now stood right in between Loki and the stranger with no where to go. 

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to". She blurted out, caught of guard by the whole situation. 

As most people, he was larger than her by a good couple of inches. He looked down at the young woman, his grey eyes glaring into her from behind his glasses. One of his hands brushed through his brown slicked back hair, making sure that everything was still in place after the small impact. 

"Watch where you're going". He scoffed with a sneer before turning back around, dismissing the woman to continue his previous search. 

Addison on the other hand could feel her heart flutter in her chest, she suddenly felt cold and dizzy. 

_He looked so much like him._

She looked around, trying to find somewhere isolated but there was nowhere she could hide, this was bad. She faintly registered that her hands and shoulders were starting to tremble. 

_Why are you shaking? What's wrong with you?! Stop that!_

_You're so pathetic, you can't even walk properly! He was right, you're just a stupid good for nothing! This is why he beat you, you wouldn't learn any other way!_

She backed away further, until she was pressed up against a solid chest. She jumped at the contact and turned around to see Loki looking down at her with concern. She paused when she looked into those mesmerizing green eyes, they were so vibrant and warm. 

He lowered himself slightly, she looked absolutely mortified and he didn't want to contribute to her distress in any way. 

"Addison? Do you want to go outside?". His voice was quiet, trying to appear comforting. 

She didn't react right away. Her teary eyes seemed lost, as if any life had been drained out of them. Her breath had hitched and every audible inhale was shaky. She was starting to hyperventilate. 

Loki slowly moved his hands out to her, grasping her clenched fists, noting how cold her skin had become. He moved his thumb over he back of her hands in slow circles, trying to ease her into unclenching them, that seemed to bring her back. Her fingers slowly extended over his palm, usually she didn't like to be touched during a panic attack but something about the circular motion on her skin felt strangely calming. 

"Do you want me to take you home?". He asked.

Addison nodded, mumbling out her address. In her state it didn't even register that she essentially told him where she lived, she just wanted to be in her apartment, to smell her favorite candles, to hug her dog, to hide. Before she could process what happened they were already in front of her door.

She reached for her keys inside her bag and managed to unlock the door despite her shaking fingers. Still feeling confused and drained she reached for Loki again and pulled him inside with her. 

A low bark echoed through the apartment, accompanied by paws hitting the floor as Alistair rounded the corner. His ears tail, even the furr on his back stoop up in threatening manner as he sensed the unfamiliar person behind his owner. His snout pulled back into a snarl, a low growl vibrated through his body as he steadily approached. 

"Alistair...down..". While the command was unusually soft spoken he still settled down on his belly wearily watching the man that had entered his territory. 

"Do you want to sit?" Loki asked after a bit, they had been standing in the same spot for at least a minute. 

Addison nodded and let Loki guide her to the couch. She numbly layed back and turned back to him. Her eyes gazed into his with confusion and fear but her hyperventilating had slowed and a little bit of colour was starting to return to her previously ghostly face. She felt torn, on one hand she was glad that she wasn't alone, that Loki was there with her, for her. But on the other hand she felt threatened by his strong presence, he was in her home, in her safe space and the only thing that might stop him was her dog, which she doubted would even have any effect on him. Her teeth were sinking into the soft flesh of her bottom lip, chewing at the thin upper layer until it was scrapped off, she could taste the metallic flavor of blood on her tongue but that didn't stop her. She felt his eyes on her. 

_He's judging you, you're being pathetic._

"Do you want me to stay? I'll understand if not". His voice broke the somber silence and brought her focus onto him again. 

The tension between the two of them was thick and heavy. The only sound in the room was white noise, it was awful. She contemplated the question, what should she do? It was up to her, she had to decide. 

"I...please don't leave me..".

The tears she could hold back up to now spilled out of her eyes, over her cheeks, down to her chin as she kept repeating the words over and over again. Until a gentle hand wiped the tears away, cupping her cheeks to make her look at him. She hiccuped and tensed when his skin made contact with hers. 

"I will not leave Addison, I'm here as long as you need me to be". 

With that, she threw herself against him, despite her mind screaming at her not to, she didn't care any more, all she knew is that she wanted comfort, and he could provide it. Nails dug into his clothes as she gripped onto the fabric on his chest with all her might. He let her, mighty her tears soak into his sweater as he wrapped his arms around her shaking frame, he'd help her through this, no matter how long it would take. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, as you can tell from this chapter the story will get darker, which of course I will put up disclaimers for but I just want to make sure that everyone knows that I am not trying to romanticise these topics or to idolize them. All the mental health problems on Addisons part in this fiction are from my personal experience and are not a generalized statement.
> 
> Thank you to everyone leaving comments it really does help me with getting over writing blockages 💕

Loki found himself in an all too familiar position, though this time from a different perspective. Whilst he was used to mood shifts, considering Thor inherited his fragile temper from their father, though he knew he wasn't any better, he knew that this was much more than that. It bothered him. Could he have prevented it? Spare her from what she was going through? He didn't even know if he was being helpful at all as he wrapped the shaking woman in a blanket and handed her a steaming cup of tea. Tears that previously cascaded down her face had now dried and fadded into quiet sniffles. He knew she had a panic attack, he had his fair share of them ever since he managed to get away from Thanos. Countless of times he had woken up in his Jötun form, his room covered in ice as his emotions took over him. 

He sat down next to her, making sure to keep a distance as he had a suspicion that whatever made her have the attack had something to do with the man she bumped into earlier. 

_Did she know him? It didn't seem like it but her reaction was so strong._

Maybe him staying was a mistake but then again she had reached out for him, clinging to him as if he was an anchor. Horrible possibilities filled his mind, trying to make sense of the situation despite him trying not to, he had to be there for her now, not create conspiracy theories.

"I'm sorry...this is probably not how you wanted today to go..". Her soft but now shaky voice whispered as her fingers clutched around the cup. 

Carefully she lifted the tea to her chewed open lips, sniffing it before taking a hesitant sip, deciding that it tasted like usual she sat it back downs and wrapped herself up more. 

"You needn't apologize for what happened my dear. While I'm not sure what exactly caused this strong reaction within you I don't want you to blame yourself". He wanted to reach for her, to collect her into his arms again so he could at least attempt at making her feel more secure through him being there. 

Addison scoffed, she wouldn't accept his pity, she didn't want be this weak little thing any more, that naive girl that he oh so liked her to be. 

"It wasn't important". She tried to sound as firm as she could. 

Loki was once again taken aback by the sudden shift in her behavior but it told him that whatever happened was much deeper than she was willing to admit. He could see how she bit the inside of her cheek and how the nails of her fingers pressed into the fabric of her sweater. Subconsciously his own arm clenched over his wrist. 

"I'm not trying to pry into why you reacted the way you did. You did seem pretty shaken up by it though and I don't want to leave you in such a delicate state by yourself". 

_Delicate. That was just a nicer way to say weak._

"I appreciate your help but I'm fine". The words rushed out of her mouth in a mix of urgency, pain, anger and frustration. 

He gave her a look, one that despite their short acquaintance she could recognize as his "I'm not fooling around" expression. Anger swelled inside her, doubtful thoughts of his intensions clouded her rational mind, surely this was just a facade, he was probably waiting for her to break but she wouldn't. 

"I wasn't born yesterday. I can tell you're still upset". 

Offended at the truth of his words she turned to look him in the eyes. 

"I-I think you should go, I'm perfectly fine and I don't know why you think you'd know how I feel". Even Addison was aware of how her voice quivered at her attempt of sounding demanding. 

Loki, who's face had dropped into a unreadable frown, stood up from his seat, moving so that he was in front of her, towering over her as she stayed on her spot. The shade that now covered his face darkened his already sharp features, making them much more prominent and intimidating. With his arm he held himself above her face and effectively caged her. As much as she tried to not look affected by the close proximity of the much stronger and bigger man she couldn't help but shrink further back, her body taking in a defensive position. 

"Do not lie to me, I can tell from the way your eyes dart away from me, from how you shield yourself and how you tremble that you are nowhere near fine. I will stay until I know you won't do anything irrational." 

He walked away, choosing to sit down on the seat further away from the couch, mainly to keep himself in check, he knew he shouldn't have invaded her personal space like that and he'd apologize for it once things had eased down again. 

Addison refused to look at him, instead she petted the seat next to her which Alistair immediately registered as a command for him to follow. His brown eyes switched between his owner and the man as she pulled him on her lap. She hid her face in his soft coat, trying to block out her surroundings as best as she could, something that usually helped to calm her down. As the adrenaline began leaving her system she felt how the discomfort of her tensed muscles combined with her chronic pain, a small gasp escaped her and she moved her head away from her dogs furr. Carefully she ushered him away and tried to stand up, to her dismay though they simply refused to let her move. 

She inhaled sharply as a sudden stab of pain shot through her upper back. 

"Are you all right?". Loki was already on his feet and next to her the moment he noticed her attempt at getting up. 

She looked up at him, she knew he was the only person that could help her right now, as much as she disliked the thought of depending on him. 

"Could you please get me my back pack and a glass of water?". The pain worsened steadily. 

Loki understood the importance of her request and wasted no time to let both her belongings and beverage appear on the table in front of her. He watched closely as Addison fished around in her bag until she pulled out a small box that contained four medium sized pills from which she took two and hurriedly swallowed them with the entire glass. Once she was done she fell back against the couch relived. 

"Thank you". She breathed out and glanced at him. 

"What are those for?". He knew it wasn't his place to ask but he couldn't help it, if she was to overdose he wanted to be able to help. 

She looked away from him and packed the box in her bag again. 

"They're for my back...they're pain relivers.". Now that she was more collected than earlier she kicked off her boots and attempted to stand up again, this time successfully as she used the arm rest to keep herself steady. 

"So uh look..I appreciate that you brought me home and I'm sorry about all this but I'd rather be alone right now.". She kept a good distance between her and him so she wouldn't feel as intimidated by his size again. 

"I'm sorry if I frightened you earlier my dear, I know I shouldn't have hurt your space like that". He himself moved a bit backwards so she'd have more room, subconsciously trying to prove the sincerity in his words. 

"You might not believe me but I know that you just had a panic attack and whilst I understand your wish of being alone I just want to ensure your safety".

While what he said wasn't inherently bad to Addison he might as well could have said that he thought she was incapable of dealing with herself and that she'd need him to solve all her problems. Memories swarmed her head, whispers of a voice she tried to forget hissed at her. 

_You need me_

_You are pathetic_

_Do you really think you can live without me?_

_I own you, don't you forget that_

"You don't think I can take care of myself? Do you know how many times this has happened to me before? I don't need help". Tears gathered in her eyes once more but she didn't care, she let the anger and hurt take over. 

"You can't understand how I feel, to have people constantly assume that you need help, that you need to depend on someone else. I'll tell you what I need, I need to do this on my own!". 

She hadn't screamed at anyone in a long time but now that she did something inside her seemed to snap as she walked closer to him. 

"I don't need your pity, I don't want to be pitied, I'm not this weak little girl that needs to be watched over constantly!". 

She stood in front of Loki now, glaring into his unreadable expression. 

"I'm stronger than I look like, I don't know why you think you have any right to decide what's good for me when you don't even know me! Just because you know what a panic attack is doesn't mean you know what I'm going through!". 

Loki remained quiet as she went off on him, something inside him knew she didn't mean him. That she was yelling at someone else, someone that made her feel weak and dependent. The pain behind her aggression was evident to him, was this what his mother saw when he had yelled at her from his prison cell? A hurt person trying to set themselves free? 

Calmly he looked down at her. In a way he saw what she meant, she was like fire, ready to burn anything that fueled her but also able to provide warmth and comfort. He didn't want to extinguish her as he assumed that's what people did all her life, try to dull and reduce her instead of helping her control the flames. 

"You're right, I don't know what you are going through or how you feel. I did not mean for my words to sound condescending, I simply didn't want to leave you alone with your demons". He glanced towards the door with a heaviness in his heart. 

"You're not weak Addison and I don't pity you. I want to know you are safe, I care about your well being and didn't want to leave you while you were obviously hurt, still I shouldn't have assumed that you needed me here, I shall take my leave if you rather be alone".

Caught of guard by his understanding and apology she haltered. She felt torn, how was he able to make her want him to be here when she just told him to leave? 

"I...I don't know..I don't know what I want..". She looked into his forest green eyes. 

They say eyes are the windows of a persons soul and if that were to be true then Loki's was one of the most fragmented she had ever seen. His eyes held such a deep understanding and compassion yet there was terror and agony. She felt the guilt of her words settle in, what if he knew how she felt and truly did want to help her? But what If he didn't? She wanted to belive the former but..was it worth the risk? 

"Do you want me to go Addison?" 

He asked once more, taking a step forward. 

She didn't move away, instead she cast her eyes downwards, seeing his long arms rest at his sides. She wanted to feel them hold her again, like they had earlier. 

"No...I'm sorry please..please don't go". She moved forward, burying herself in his chest. He wasted no second to hold her against him, she herself wrapped her arms around his back. Faintly she realized that he smelled like her favorite scented candle, earthy with a sweet undertone. His body felt so good against her and when his hand rubbed up and down her back she wanted to cry, she hadn't been hugged like this in years, denying herself physical comfort by another person as a self punishment for how she let someone else manipulate her body. But now as she felt the warm embrace she felt a smile form on her face. Maybe she could trust him, at least she'd try. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not the best at describing clothes so for anyone interested here is the dress being mentioned in this chapter
> 
> https://pin.it/hLazmxS
> 
> I can't believe how many people are actually enjoying this fiction so far, I appreciate every single one of you so much, thank you for your support, it really makes my day 💕

Addison clutched her phone to her chest. It had been a week since the incident and while she and Loki had kept in touch, chatting, having phone calls, not to mention him occasionally checking in at her workplace where they spend her lunch break together, she still felt horrible about what happened. She had yelled at him for caring, for being concerned. 

Angrily she bit into her lip, she had messed up just because she couldn't fathom the idea of him being a genuinely nice person, she really was a judgmental idiot. 

Loki had been so supportive and understanding about everything that she couldn't stop crying for a while. He had reassured her that he understood that she reacted out of panic and that things weren't easy for her. 

_"We may have only known each other for a short while but I truly do care about you and I want to get to know the real you Addison, flaws and all. You are such a smart, kind woman and this, this doesn't change my opinion on you"._

_His head was resting on top of hers. Loki had to slightly hunch forward to be able to hold her like that, she was so small, barely reaching to his shoulders._

_"You don't have to tell me anything, I just want you to know that I'm always there for you, alright?"._

_She nodded against him. It would be hard to take him up on the offer of support but she'd try, she'd try to let herself feel cared for again_. 

The metallic flavor of blood made her realize that she had bitten through her skin again, her lips were still chapped from how badly she had chewn them up but with her habitual behavior they'd take a while to fully heal.

She was already reaching for the tissues on her night stand when her phone began to ring, the imperial march theme warned her of just who tried to contact her. A sigh left her as she put the phone to her ear.

"Hey dad". She greeted, easily faking the joy in her voice, not like he'd notice if she actually was happy or not.

"Hello Addison, you know why I'm calling don't you?". Straight forward, no pleasantries as always, this was just another business call for him.

"Yes dad I do but I'm not sure if I can make it next weekend, I'm really busy". There was a brief quietness between the two of them, she could tell her father was already getting agitated, he never was patient nor liked any kind of, what he considered, back talk.

"It's your aunt's birthday, what else could you be doing that is so important?"

"I have work dad and-". He cut her off.

"So work is more important than family now? I expect you to come Addison, am I clear?". It wasn't a request.

"...I'll try to make it work, at what time should be be there"

"Around two o'clock". His tone had softened slightly, he knew he had gotten his way.

She thought for a moment, if she left work at 1pm she'd have enough time to get ready and be there roughly on schedule.

"OK I'll probably be there at three, I can't do it earlier and I have to bring Alistair, he can't be home alone for too long".

"Fine just bring his muzzle, oh and wear that dress your mom got you".

She looked to her wardrobe with dread. While the dress wasn't necessarily ugly it wasn't something Addison liked to wear, the dark kind of dulled green colour clashed horribly with her complexion and hair, not to mention that the cut was rather unflattering, at least in her opinion.

"Sure dad... So uh I gotta go now, can you tell mom I love her?"

"Yes, I'll tell her, see you next week". He hung up right after, it didn't bother her though, their relationship was never easy and her father never quite knew how to show his affection properly.

"Fuck..". She exhaled, getting up from her bed to try if the dress still fit and if she could make a good outfit out of it.

To her surprise the fabric felt more loose than it had when her mother originally got it for her last Christmas, maybe she actually had shed some kilos.

The sleeves of the dress fell down to her wrists, if she rolled them up they'd probably look a bit more modern. The high collar was something she couldn't change and the best solution would be to keep the top two buttons open.

She grabbed her phone and took a picture with the modified version of the dress, she send one to Damian, knowing he'd get a good laugh out of his friends misfortune, the other was sent to Loki with the capition: 

_I don't think I like green anymore. What do you think?_

She experimentally tied a belt around her waist to try and adapt the fabric to her physique when her phone buzzed in response.

_I have to agree, it does not match your complexion, why are you wearing it?_

_It's for my aunts birthday, my parents want me to wear it and I'm trying to make it_ _work_.

She removed the belt again, rummaging through her shelves in search of some tights that might distract from the top half of her body.

_ You know, I might be able to help you out, if you don't mind.  _

She knew what he was implying. Quickly she slipped on a simple pair of leggins so her bottom half was covered before his arrival. 

_Sure! Just knock first, I don't want to stress Alistair out._

She had started walking to the entrance to her apartment while typing so when she arrived at her door and peaked through the spy she could see Loki just pop into existence, she waited for him to knock and promptly let him in.

Alistair glanced over to the commotion, patiently waiting for Loki to enter from his spot on the couch, deciding that the situation didn't need his attention he layed back down to continue his afternoon nap. 

This time Loki was wearing a olive v neck shirt with a black leather jacket, his hair tied back into a bun. He was getting better with casual wear. 

He smiled at her but couldn't help the furrow of his brows when he took in her outfit. It looked worse than it did on the picture. 

"Is it that bad?". She winced, taking some of the fabric into her hands. 

"It's nothing I can't fix darling". He already had an idea of how he could improve the garment, he was used to assisting his mother and other women with their dresses ok Asgard, this would hardly be a challenge. 

She smiled and walked over to her kitchen while Loki hung his jacket.

"Do you want coffee or tea?". 

He followed swiftly, leaning against one of the counters as Addison reached for the higher cupboards. 

"Coffee, may I ask who bought you that?". 

He watched as Addison reached for the jar with the powered beans on her tip toes, with a eye roll he walked over and handed it to her, to which she glared up at him, though he could tell there were no hard feelings. 

"My mom did, it used to match me better when my hair wasn't dyed, my natural colour is copper but I don't like it". She clicked on the water boiler and moved to sit on the counter top that Loki was currently leaning against. 

"I think your hair is magnificent, your curls bounce when you walk and the pink matches your blush quiet well". As he spoke he gently twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. As if her body wanted to proof his point he noticed that her cheeks had a slight red tint to them, he liked how easy it was to flatter her. 

"Thank you, yours is as long as mine used to be but it suits you much better, I think my mom would love it too". 

Despite her parents being somewhat old fashioned, her father more so, she knew her mother could appreciate an attractive man, even if he didn't have a crew cut appearance. 

"Oh? Am I what you Midgardians call son in law worthy?" 

She smiled at him and nodded before moving to prepare both of them their coffee, at this point she knew how he liked it. 

There was no doubt in her mind that the female side of her family would be smitten by the God, what with his charming aditude and flawless appearance she really couldn't fault anyone for turning around twice to get a good look at him. 

As she took back her previous positions next to him and watched as he elegantly brought the cup to his lips a sudden thought came to her. 

She knew her family would pester her about her love life again, after all how dare she as a twenty-four year old woman not be married with kids yet? Her relatives would have loved to see her as a wife by now or for her to have at least a boyfriend, she wouldn't dare ever bringing up that she might have a girlfriend in the future, she didn't want to add to her families prying. She considered asking Loki if he would join her, act like they had been a serious couple for a while now but could she actually do it? She didn't want to possibly hurt his feelings, how do you even ask the man you're dating to act like your long term boyfriend?

"Love, are you alright?". 

She didn't look at him, her fingers fiddled with the cup in her hands, staring into the drink as if it held the answers to her situation. 

"Loki, can I...can I ask you for a favor?" 

"Yes of course, what do you need?" 

She took a deep breath to collect herself and turned to him. Seeing his calm expression reminded her of his offer, that he'd be there for her when she needed him. Reassured by the memory she straightened up slightly and sat the cup down to instead rub at the back of her neck. 

"I know this is a lot to ask but uhm..." 

_Common just say it, he can't help you if you don't talk to him!_

"Would you join me for my aunts birthday as my boyfriend? My family always makes me feel bad about not having a husband or kids yet and I just don't want my sex life to be their main discussion again. I think things would be easier if you were there with me". 

Realizing how her words could be interpreted wrongly she quickly added on;

"Of course you don't have to! I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything". 

She was ready for him to get angry or annoyed by her request but what she didn't expect was to hear him laugh. Confused she looked at him, his smile was so wide that she noticed he had dimples. 

"I'm the God of mischief my dear, I'd be delighted to put on a little show for your relatives, it's been a while since I was able to properly use my silver tongue". 

To his surprise he suddenly found himself wrapped in Addisons arms, her face was pressed into his side and her upper body was twisted to the side uncomfortably. He wrapped his right arm around her and pressed her further against him. They stayed like this for a while, feeling each other in this moment of calmness and comfort. She knew she'd be able to handle her aunts birthday as long as he was with her.

"Thank you Loki".

He didn't respond but instead leaned down to kiss the top of her head, she smiled in content and relaxed against him. She could do this. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every revolution  
> starts and ends  
> with his lips 
> 
> -Rupi kaur
> 
> Milk and honey

"You what?". Thor looked at his younger brother in bewilderment.

"I said, I need your help brother, please". Loki wanted to roll his eyes, to reveal a big joke behind his words but there was none, he actually needed Thor's assistance, as much as he hated to admit it.

Thor, who was even more surprised by Loki's behavior tried to make sense of the situation. 

"Let me get this straight, you want me-" 

He pointed at himself for emphasis 

"To lie to Stark and the rest of the team because you want to visit the family of that woman you're seeing?". 

The younger brother nodded. "And I need one of his cars, the black jaguar preferably".

Thor shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as he contemplated the options. Trust his brother and grant him more freedom or keep him short leashed and risk jeopardizing their thin bond. 

He could tell Loki was changing for the better, he was more social, helped out and tried to be civil. Of course it would take longer to convince the others and he knew why they were being careful but the hostile treatment his brother received still irked him, hell he never even agreed with SHIELDS ridiculous rules and limitations, his brother was already banned from his own home world, that was punishment enough. 

  
"Alright fine, I'll help you but if I hear that you hurt anyone I will have to report back to father". 

Loki's eyes lit up. 

"Now why would you ever doubt me?". He grinned at his brother. 

Thor lightly punched his arm. "Don't make me regret trusting you, alright?". 

Loki nodded and for the first time in decades he intended to keep his word.   
________________________________________________

"So what should we tell my parents? How long have we been together, do we live together? how did we meet?".

Loki thought for a moment, his fingers hovering over one of the chess figures. 

"How about we stay true to how we met but instead of it happening a few weeks ago it simply happened six months ago? We still have our own places but spend the night at each others often".

Addison nodded, that would make a lot of things easier, she never had the best memory so a new 'origin story' would probably fall flat. Her aunts birthday was only a day away now and in between Thor setting everything up for his brothers absence and her emotionally preparing for the event they didn't have much time to discuss their story yet. She watched Loki make his move and glanced at her side of the board, she hadn't played chess in years but wanted to try again after learning he liked it. 

"Do you think they will approve of me? Not to be rude but most people tend to be a bit...hostile in regards to me".

She hestitanly moved one of the few pawns she had left forward, trying to find a reaction in her opponents face to tell her if that was smart or not. She wasn't even sure if that was a valid move but his expression stayed neutral, no surprise there, he was very adapt at keeping his expressions in check. 

"I'm not sure to be honest, my mom is passive about these things, she adores the avengers and since they released the statement of you being part of them you should be good". 

Loki looked over the board and kicked one of her pawns. 

_Oh just you wait till I show you Mortal Combat_. 

"What about your father?". 

Addison snorted and reached for her knight, kicking one of Loki's pawns with a grin, she had always been petty in terms of games and competitions. 

"Don't worry about him, he lives by happy-wife-happy-life, as long as you don't offend my mom or his ego he won't start a big fight, maybe he'll call you feminine because of your hair though..". 

He hummed in response, eyes glinting in a devious intend as he easily kicked her knight, much to Addisons growing irritation. He had the high ground for a while now but he drew the end out. The last time he had played chess it was with his mother, she was who taught him in the first place. Unfortunately neither Thor nor his friends were too fond of intellectual games though, they preferred physical activities so he couldn't really practice with anyone else. Whilst Addison wasn't exactly a challenging opponent, she was actually pretty bad as be expected of a amateur, he enjoyed that she was willing to learn for him. 

"I should warn you though, they'll most likely ask about..future plans as well, marriage and kids ya know". 

She made her move and awkwardly rubbed her arm, she never wanted children but she was her parents only daughter, she was expected to have some, to continue the family blood line but she just couldn't. For years she had felt guilty. Why couldn't she just do her family this one favor, why was she so selfish? Addison tried to warm up to the idea of having kids, she babysat her cousins occasionally, thought about names but no matter how hard she tried there were too many negatives than positives. 

"Don't fret, we'll tell them that we are taking things slow, as we do now. Everything is going to be alright love, I promise you". He smiled at her while simultaneously trapping her king.

"Check mate". He leaned back in his seat with a satisfied grin and crossed arms.

Baffled at how his sudden victory Addison squinted at the board before quietly putting it away and glaring at the man across her. She wasn't mad at him but she never was the best at losing. Though she appreciated his reassurance. 

"You just wait until we play on my console". She grumbled at him before she went to the kitchen to brew them some tea. If she was being honest she did enjoy that he finally shared some of his interests with her. While she appreciated that he always included her passions into their dates she felt as if he was hiding for her. Besides their mutual passions he seemed to be embarrassed of his hobbies, maybe he thought she'd reject them, she'd have to change that. 

As she reached for the filter she suddenly felt Loki behind her, instinctively she jumped at his close proximity but tried to calm down.

"I'm sure you will defeat me effortlessly". He whispered in her ear, slowly wrapping his arms around her middle.

Addison could feel her heart thump in her chest.

"I-I'll go easy on you..". She replied. 

This was new, sure they had hugged before but he never held her from behind like this. It felt more intimate somehow and part of her wanted to dash away but the other felt safe. His arms were so strong and she felt oddly secure, it was like nothing could hurt her as long as she stayed in his embrace. She wanted to enjoy the feeling of security so she began to rationalize the situation, Loki was safe she reminded herself, he hadn't hurt yet, he actively tried to make her feel comfortable around him and he never invalidated her feelings, no matter how self sabotaging they were. She could trust him to hold her like this. 

She felt his laugh rumble in his chest. 

"I appreciate it, I don't think I'd stand a chance if you wouldn't". He said in earnest, knowing that he might have accidentally started a competition between them.

Leaning her head back against one of Loki's shoulders she looked at him, in the soft lightning of the afternoon sun she once more realized that he wasn't human, if someone would have told her that he was an angel she would believe it without secong thought. She reached upwards, cupping his cheek into her palm.

He leaned into her hand which caused the young woman to smile up at him. His gaze shifted from between her eyes to her lips, they were still chapped but had healed quite well over the last few days mostly due to a small spell he put on her chapstick after he noticed her chewing habit. 

Addison adjusted herself in his hold so that she was now leaning into the crook of his arm.

"You don't know how honored I am to hold you like this, I don't take your trust lightly". He leaned forward, letting go of her with one arm. His now free hand curled under her chin where he used his thumb to brush over her lips 

Butterflies spread through Addisons body as she tried to hold eye contact with him. 

He looked her over, trying to find any sign of discomfort but he didn't find any. 

At this point they were only a few inches apart, they were so close that Loki could count the dozens of tiny freckles on Addison's cheeks. Gently he tipped her chin up, his lips were so close to hers now. 

"We can stop if you want". He breathed out. 

Addison tensed for a moment. She hadn't expected him to give her the option to deny him if that was what she truly wanted. No one had ever asked her permission for a kiss, she had just always thought of it as a trivial thing compared to her body, after all, what's a kiss compared to sex? But now with Loki it felt different. 

She shook her head, leaning forward herself until they closed the gap between their lips together. 

Lokis hand moved from her chin to the back of her head, not pushing, just holding her whilst brushing his thumb over the back of her neck. Timidly she placed her hands on his shoulders to stable herself. 

An unfamiliar warmth spread through her, it was almost like her body was letting go, trusting the arm around her back to hold her up. He pulled her closer to him but to Addisons surprise she didn't feel trapped, his hands stayed in their exact position, not grabbing at her or fondling, simply giving her the security that he got her, that she could let herself fall, and she did. No one had ever kissed her like this before. Anytime else it had been desperate, like a insatiable beast that greedily took more than what could be offered and by doing so dried out the only source of water it had. 

But Loki wasn't trying to take from her, instead she felt like he savored what she was willing to give, he wasn't demanding for more, he offered something in return. His lips tasted like coffee, comforting and addicting and she felt herself melt against him. 

Loki himself felt it, this warmth that he hadn't felt in aeons, it was more than just a kiss, this was them showing each other what they were feeling. 

Gently Loki brushed his fingers over Addisons back, feeling her relax further against him. She reminded him of the roses in the gardens of Asgard, soft and fragile yet sturdy at the same time, their beauty without compare. But just like the roses, people had plucked her thorns, taking vital parts of her until she was defenseless and pliant. He knew better than to think of her as weak though, he would treasure her the way she deserved to be, he'd help her regrow her thorns. 

Slowly the two of them parted. Addisons face was bright red, her limbs felt heavy and she was breathing a bit more shaken than before. To her pleasant surprise Loki wasn't unaffected either, his breathing had changed as well, his pupils were bigger too as he spoke to her. 

"I don't think you know just how much I adore you Addison". He rested his chin on top of her head, wrapping his arms around her once more.

With a smile Addison returned the embrace, laying her cheek on his chest, she could hear his steady heart beat. 

"I'm starting to". She whispered against him.

That evening Addison's mind didn't plague her with horrid memories, instead she had felt more safe than she could ever remember. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I'm sorry for the delay and hope to get back into a more regular schedule soon! Comments and kudos are always appreciated and really help me get over writing block, thank you all for reading and I hope everyone is safe and healthy! ❤️

"You got this, you've done it before, Loki will be there, you'll have Alistair too..everything will be alright". Addison said to herself, gliding the straightener through her hair so it would cover her pierced ear better. She almost couldn't recognize herself like this, she already missed her bouncy curls but she knew her parents would prefer it this way, it made her hair longer, they never liked it short. 

_"Why would you cut your hair? It's so beautiful when it's long!"_

_"Boys don't like short hair, you should let it grow out"._

_"Why did you dye it? Copper suits you so well"._

She shook her head and instead focused on covering up her wrist tattoo, luckily the light colours were easy to hide with the proper makeup. Yesterday she had removed the black nail polish and replaced it with a clear coat, the final touch would be the dress with tights and heeled shoes, she already dreaded it.

She checked over herself one last time before slipping on her outfit. 

Now that Loki had altered the dress it suited her much better, the green was changed to be a few shades lighter, the waist seam hugged her curves nicely before falling loosely down her hips, the collar had been lowered as well but the past part was that he had removed the ruffles that decorated the sleeves. Still as she saw herself in the mirror she felt disgusted, a wave of nausea hit her, she looked so much like she used to when she still lived with him. He loved to control her appearance, forbid her from wearing what she wanted, expecting her to be his trophy. She couldn't let anyone know how much this affected her though, for her own sake, to safe herself from the judgment and questions. 

Hesitantly she slipped on the necklace Damian had gotten her for her twentieth birthday, it was a simple silver chain with her zodiac and a amethyst crystal pendant as charms. She looked at herself again and took a breath, brushing her thumb over the purple stone with a smile, knowing that he'd never let her wear this, it made her feel more like herself. A small comfort that wouldn't draw much attention from her relatives. 

She collected her purse, making sure she packed her pills, her beige coat and Alistair. He eyed the muzzle in Addisons hand as they left her apartment, she hated putting it on him, even if it was big enough for him to be able to bark comfortably, she had made sure that it wouldn't hinder him in that way. She locked her door and took the elevator down. 

Loki was already waiting for her outside, leaning against the black jaguar with his arms folded over his chest. He didn't like to admit it but he was nervous, painfully aware of how him accompanying her might cause a feud with her family. He even considering altering his appearance but he didn't want to risk upsetting Addison. 

His face lit up when she exited the building. She smiled when she noticed him but something about her seemed off, he couldn't exactly say what it was though, she just didn't seem like herself. 

Carefully she approached his car. She hadn't worn heels in a while and while they were only a couple of inches high and not even thin she still felt the difference. She went to hug him as a greeting and took a step back. 

"So, how do I look?". She asked shyly. 

Loki took her hands in his, bringing one hand to his face so he could kiss her knuckles. 

"You look lovely darling, though I prefer it when you dress like yourself. What about me, do you approve?" 

She blushed at the kiss and the confirmation that he didn't like this facade her family insisted on.

He himself wore a dark grey turtleneck sweater underneath a blazer with matching suit pants and shoes. His hair was brushed back with his curls resting on his shoulders. 

"Y-You look very handsome!". She blurted out to which Loki grinned. 

He opened the door to the back seats so that Alistair could jump in, he had already ensured with his seidr that no furr or claw marks would be left behind. Then he opened the passenger door for Addison, offering his hand to her so she could more easily climb in without having to worry about stumbling, if he was being honest, he couldn't help but find her clumsy nature adorable but he wouldn't want her to accidentally injure herself. 

As she fastened her seat belt and admired the interior of the expensive car she immediately checked out the built in radio set, to her delight it had a Bluetooth option. 

Loki typed in the address Addison had given him and started the car, he had never been more glad that his brother insisted on teaching him Midgardian technology. 

"Hey Loki, would you mind if I play my music while we drive? It's okay if not". 

"You don't need to ask me for permission love, go ahead". 

With that she turned on her favorite mixed Playlist and they were off. 

________________________________________________

"You sing like a song bird my dear". 

Addison rubbed the back of her neck with a nervous smile. 

"Thank you, I used to be in choir and drama classes throughout my school time." 

She unclipped her seat belt and looked at the small house next to where they had parked. Her aunt lived in the same cul-de-sac as her parents which made everything even more uncomfortable, the looming presence of her childhood weighed down on her shoulders as she reached for the door handle only to have it opened by Loki. 

He helped her out of her seat before opening the back so that Alistair could get out. Addison leashed him and took a deep breath. 

"We can leave anytime you want, no matter what they say". He reassured her, holding out his arm which she took with a anxious smile. 

They walked up to porch of the house and rang the bell. Addison felt her heart thumping in her chest, maybe she should have called ahead that she'd bring someone with her. It was too late for those thoughts now, the door opened to reveal a older woman with chestnut brown hair that already grayed at some parts and caramel eyes. 

Loki could tell that this had to be Addison's mother. 

The woman looked at her daughter then to him. 

"Addy, welcome! You didn't tell me you're bringing company". Her voice dropped a bit and despite the polite smile on her face Addison knew she was agitated. 

She chuckled nervously and removed her arm from the crook of his. "Uh yeah mom this is my boyfriend Loki, Loki this is my mom E-" 

Her mother cut her off, reaching her hand out to introduce herself. 

"Eleanor Myers, you can call me Emma if you want." 

Loki shook her hand, flashing her a smile of his own. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Myers, I hope you don't mind our decision to not call ahead but I wanted to introduce myself in person". 

Eleanor laughed and ushered the two in. "No worries, you can hang your coats here, I'll tell the others you are here just meet us in the garden". 

Loki used the chance to look around, the house was nothing special, just a cozy typical suburban place. The white walls were lined up with pictures of her family, next to the coat hanger was a box unit with multiple different shoes and to set the scene there even was a small checklist. 

"What's that for?". He asked while reading the different tasks on the board. 

"Oh that's for my cousin's, they just started going to school. My uncle has to leave the house early and my aunt can't look after three kids at once so, she made this". Addison began to walk ahead and Loki used that chance to examine the pictures more closely. 

He assumed most of them had to be her cousins and their parents but then he noticed a little freckled girl with curly hair in pig tails and differently colored eyes. He halted. In the picture Addison kneeled on the ground between orange leave piles. She was wearing a stripped sweater and navy jeans with a bright yellow raincoat and matching boots. Her arms were wrapped around a huge dog while her parents stood behind her with proud smiles. A grin flashed on his face when he noticed the tooth gap in Addisons smile and the small dimples in her cheeks. She was a darling child. 

"How old were you in this?". This stopped her and she spun around. 

She reached for him and tried to pull him aside with a bright pink face. He chuckled at her reaction but didn't budge, instead he looked between her and the picture. 

"I don't know why you are so shy about this, you look adorable in here". He pulled her against him, kissing her temple with a chuckle. 

Addison tried to suppress the smile on her face. 

"I was six, I think, maybe five. I only remember that we were hiking through the woods with Winston that day". She pointed at the dog in the picture. Truthfully she did remember more than she told him, she remembered how her father let her hold the leash and how her mother jumped into puddles with her, she remembered that they ate warm apple pie that evening and the warmth in her parents eyes. Those instances had been rare but the memories of them were strong. 

"Common my family is probably waiting for us". She urged him on, taking his hand in hers to lead him to the living room, she just wanted to get it over with. 

The couple entered the cream colored living room, a few heads turned to them and three little kids jumped off the white couch, rushing over to their older cousin to throw themselves against her legs. 

"Addy! Addy! Look I have brathef!". One of the small boys declared, grinning up at the young woman to show off the metal in his teeth. 

"That's stupid Toby, Addy don't wanna see that!". A young girl yelled, pushing her twin brother aside. 

"Addy, do you wanna see my dollies?". She pulled at the hem of Addisons dress, trying to tug her along. 

Addison searched the room with her eyes, she saw two of her uncles and married in relatives but not her aunt or parents. 

"Later sweetie, hey, can you go get mommy for me, please?". The little girl nodded and bounced off to the kitchen, her big brother following her. 

Addison took a deep breath, relived that she managed to fend the two of for now, handling them separately was easy enough but together? Impossible. A gentle tap to her leg made her look down. 

"Addy..I..dwew you dis". The youngest of the bunch, a small boy with freckles said, holding up a sheet of paper. 

Addison carefully took it from in, smiling when she noticed that he had drawn her and him together in bright crayons. Charlie had always been her favorite cousin, he was calmer than his older siblings, not that Addison didn't love Toby and Sam but they were just a bit too much. 

"It's beautiful! Did you draw that all by yourself?". He giggled when she picked him up and nodded before noticing the man next to her, once he did he firmly pressed himself against his cousin's chest, wrapping his arms around her neck a bit tighter. 

Loki noticed and hesitantly waved at the small boy.

"Hello there little guy, my name is Loki, I'm friends with your cousin Addy". He offered, wriggling his fingers which caused a green mist to flow from their tips. 

Charlie's brown eyes widened and he curiously watched the strange man, reaching one of his tiny hands out to touch the green fog which lightly wrapped around his digits before disappearing. Loki didn't have much experience with children, he had no younger siblings nor were there any babies in his family, the only contact he had with kids was when he'd occasionally run into them while walking through the streets of Asgard. 

Addison sat him back down, just as a blonde woman entered the room. She was younger than Mrs. Myers but Loki could see the obvious family resemblance. 

The woman gave him a quick once over before pulling Addison in a hug which she only hesitantly returned. 

"Happy birthday Aunt Ophelia!". 

They separated from each other and Addison reached for Loki's hand. 

"Ophelia, this is my boyfriend Loki, Loki this is my aunt Ophelia". 

Her aunt shook his hand with a furrowed brow. "Well then I'll go get the cake and coffee, you go ahead outside". With that she dissappeared into the kitchen. 

Nervously Addison guided Loki to the slide door. The extended table stood under a patio that was build in a fenced area. Addison let Alistair off his leash to let him roam in the spacious yard. She could see her father and mother with their backs turned to her. 

Loki tightened his hold on her hand in reassurance, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Are you ready love?".

He whispered into her hair. 

Addison nodded and walked up to the slightly heightened ground, the heads of her parents turned, her mother gave the couple a apologetic smile whilst Mr. Myers looked at the two of them from behind his glasses. He stood up, held out his hand to Loki and tightly gripped it. 

"I'm Adam Myers". 

Addison stiffened, she always forgot just how scary he was in person. Even with his age he was still surprisingly well in shape, however Addison could tell that he had dyed both his graying hair and beard black. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you sir. My name is Loki Odinson and I am Addison's-" 

He was cut off by her father. 

"Her boyfriend, yes, my wife told me."

He briefly glared at his daughter before joining his wife once more.

The young couple took the seats across from them, this was the start of a long evening. 


	11. Chapter 11

The tension surrounding the table was thick. No one wanted to make the first move and the suffocating silence got heavier with each moment. Mr. Myers fished out a cigar from his coat pocket and leaned back in the garden chair. He felt that something wasn't right, he couldn't exactly place his finger on it what but something about Loki and his daughter felt suspicious. 

"So, how long have you two been a couple? Addison didn't tell me about you when I called her last week". He shot his daughter a glare, one that she recognized as "You're in big trouble young lady".

Despite her father's best attempt to intimidate her she leaned against Loki, who happily wrapped his arm over her shoulder, to deepen the illusion and looked her father in the eyes.

"We've been dating for five months now dad. I met him at work and last time I checked I don't have to tell you everything". Her tone was hostile, hiding the nervousness she felt building inside her. 

She had always been good at lying to her parents and as much as Mr. Myers liked to belive that he could draw the truth out of her through his paternal authority he could never differ wherever she was honest or not. He hadn't cared enough back then to question what she'd tell him and now that they barely talked he had no idea about her private life. 

"Five months, that sounds nice, do you two live together yet?". Her mother asked curiously to which both of them shook their heads. 

"We're taking it slow Mrs. Myers, no use rushing into something that you might regret". 

Semi satisfied he took a deep drag which he blew out from the corner of his mouth, Addison coughed as some of the smoke drifted over to her. Adam's gaze now shifted to Loki who sat with his back straight and chin high, he wasn't intimidated by the older man, he was nothing compared to Odin. Adam admired confidence and proper manners but he wouldn't let the young man across him off the hook easy. He always wanted his daughter to marry a wealthy man, preferably someone he knew personally and approved of long before any long term commitment. For a while he was hoping that she'd get back together with her first serious boyfriend, he was older than her but he made good money and was a perfectly good guy. 

"I was just surprised, I remember when you were together with Ethan, you told us after a week, couldn't stop you from talking about him, I think you moved in with him after the third month right?". He tapped the butt of his cigar to punctuate his point. 

"He even took you to that school dance when you were fifteen too, you were so pretty with your long hair". 

The young woman glared at her father, her fists clenched on Loki's shirt momentarily as her entire body tensed. She removed herself from Loki's hold and started scratching at her inner arm underneath the table. The pressure in her shoulders worsened, same as in her sternum and ribcage, she dug her short nails into her arm, trying to distract herself from the strain in her back. Her breathing increased and she felt her hear pound in her chest. 

"Dad, can we not talk about my ex please?". There was a quiver in her voice and her father shrugged dismissively. 

"I'm just saying, it's not like you to be so secretive, he was a good guy, he sometimes asks about you in the office you know? Still misses you, maybe you should call him sometimes, for old time sake". He stubbed out his cigar and relaxed back in his seat, basking in the intensity of Loki's glare. 

_You don't know anything about me, how dare you say that?! ! You haven't known me since I was fourteen!_

She wanted to scream at him, to lunge at his throat and hit him over and over again until he would be begging her to stop. She wanted to see him bruised, bleeding, screaming in agony. The dark thoughts became more graphic by the second and she knew she had to get away from it. 

"I'm not gonna call him, we broke up for a reason dad". She spat out. 

She didn't wait for a response but hurriedly got up to leave the pavilion to go to the bathroom in her aunts house. 

She passed by her cousins and locked the door behind her as she fished in her purse. It didn't take long to find her pain killers. The words of her doctor rang in her ears, maximum amount are five, she could still take some. She turned on the sink, cupped her hands under the stream and flushed down two pills. As she dried her mouth and hands off she avoided her reflection in the mirror, she didn't want to look at herself, ashamed of how she let her father affect her. Willing the tears away that threatened to overspill she applied her perfume, comforted by the scent, and made her way back to her parents, her aunt and cousins following behind. While the kids took to playing with each other on their yard play sets and Alistair the rest sat together for some cake. 

"Oh Addie, I was thinking that later you could play me something on the piano, I haven't heard you sing in so long". Her aunt smiled while taking a fork full of the sweet goods. 

Addison nodded as she sipped on her drink, she felt slightly dizzy from the meds, she usually never took two at once but she'd be lying if she said that she didn't feel good, especially after a bottle of wine and champagne was brought to the table. She only had two glasses in but she hadn't eaten anything yet, too self conscious to touch anything around her family. It was when she filled her third glass that her mother piped up. 

"So Loki, have you two thought about kids yet? I know you two wanna go slow but just hypothetically speaking". 

_Oh great this again_

"No we have not, we're both working currently and can't imagine having kids any time soon, besides we're both young and want to experience life before settling down for good". He replied, hoping the simple answer would be enough to satisfy Eleanor. Up to know they had simple small talk and the question came out of nowhere, as if it was a casual conversation theme. 

Adam spoke up at that. "How long are you gonna let us wait Addison? Your mom and I are in our forties, we want grandkids before we're old". 

The young woman shrugged, the alcohol helped her react more apathetic to the questions. "Well I'm in my twenties and you wanted me to have kids since I was seventeen". 

His eyebrows furrowed but his wife's glare warned him from causing a big argument so both father and daughter continued with their drinks. 

Unknown to her Loki was watching her carefully as time went on. He had noticed her frequent scratching and pinching through out the day, how she played with the charm around her neck or loose hair strands. At some point she had whistled Alistair over who had let his head rest on her lap, he whined whenever she went to scratch herself so instead she moved her hand to pet him. It also didn't go unnoticed that she wasn't eating anything or that she exchanged her water for alcohol, he hadn't seen her drink before but somehow he doubted that she could take a lot, especially on a empty stomach. He himself wasn't affected by the Midgardian drinks, it was much too dull to even scrape at his threshold but it had a good taste to it, savory and sweet. He was beginning to understand why she wanted him here, while most didn't say it out loud he picked up on the disapproving looks her family shot her way, especially the male side of her relatives. 

She rolled her eyes at their comments, drinking continously from her champagne which earned her a side glance from Loki. He used his seidr to exchange the liquid with sparkling water instead, he could tell she was drinking for the wrong reason. 

"We should go soon my dear, it looks like it's going to rain". He pointed at the dark clouds that were closing in, she wouldn't do well if they kept staying here. 

Addison nodded in agreement, leaning against him for support. "Ophelia, Loki and I should get going soon, it's almost seven and it looks like rain". 

Her aunt looked up at the sky and frowned. "I see, but you are going to sign for me before you go right?" 

Addison nodded, drank her glass empty and walked to the kitchen. 

"I'm just gonna get some coffee first!". She called over her shoulder, focusing on her wobbly steps, thankful for the broad chest she could lean on. 

Loki was tempted to pick her up, carry her to the car and bring her home, she was exhausted and tipsy, not a good combination, especially not around family. He watched her prepare herself a cup as she nibbled on a apple she found in a fruit bowl. At least she was finally eating something, he'd get her more food later. 

"You know..coffee doesn't make you sober, it just makes you more alert for a while..most people don't know that". 

She mumbled, avoiding eye contact. She felt horrible, she was getting drunk around her boyfriend, she was probably annoying him, he must be fed up with her by now. She felt tears build up in her eyes, her emotions were getting the best of her, unlikely possibilities filled her mind and she reached out for one of Loki's hand, playing around with his fingers. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drink so much..I'll make it up to you". She started to sniffle. 

The cup in her hand was gently removed and sat down on the counter top. Loki cupped her cheeks, carefully brushing the stray tears away that trickled down her face. 

"Now, now, there's no need for tears love. You don't have to apologize, we'll leave right after you played for your aunt, then I'll get you something to eat and we can do something together, okay?"

She nodded, leaning into his hand. "Okay...thank you Loki". 

He pecked her lips and handed her the cup back, she downed it quickly and threw the half eaten apple in the trash, just in time for her family to join her. They all walked to one of the spare rooms where a black grand piano stood. Ophelia excitedly handed her a sheet book, this particular one consisted of her favorite songs. She helped teach Addison how to play after her lessons finished which helped them bond and develop similar music taste. 

"You have Queen in here?! Okay I know just what song I'm gonna do". She prepped the book up, testing the keys and humming to warm herself up. While she was shy, Addison didn't mind singing in front of her family, it was one of the few things they were supportive of and actively encouraged. She too a deep breath and started playing the notes. 

_You had to kill the conversation_

_You always had the upper hand_

_Got caught in love and stepped in sinking sand_

_You had to go and ruin all our plans_

_Packed your bags and you're leaving home_

_Got a one-way ticket and you're all set to go_

_But we have one more day together, so_

She glanced at Loki, he was watching her with amazement, she averted her eyes again as she sung the chorus. 

_Love me like there's no tomorrow_

_Hold me in your arms, tell me you mean it_

_This is our last goodbye and very soon it will be over_

_But today just love me like there's no tomorrow_

She felt her face heat up, slightly regretting to have picked such a cheesy love song and tried not to look away from the keyboard, she could almost feel his calm eyes bore themselves into her soul. 

_I guess we drift alone in separate ways_

_I don't have all that far to go_

_G_ _od knows I learnt to play the lonely man_

_I've never felt so low in all my life_

_We were born to be just losers_

_So I guess there's a limit on how far we go_

_But we only have one more day together so_

_Love me like there's no tomorrow_

_Hold me in your arms, tell me you mean it_

_This is our last goodbye and very soon it will be over_

_But today just love me like there's no tomorrow_

He wished he knew the lyrics of the song, the urge to join her was strong, while he wasn't the greatest singer he knew he could hold a tune. Hearing her soft, slightly smokey voice build up as the song proceeded filled him with adoration, he could listen to her for the rest of his life without complain. 

_Tomorrow god knows just where I'll be_

_Tomorrow who knows just what's in store for me_

_Anything can happen but we only have one more day together, yeah_

_Just one more day forever, so_

_Love me like there's no tomorrow_

_Hold me in your arms, tell me you mean it_

_This is our last goodbye and very soon it will be over_

She let the song play out, as the last note faded she felt her aunts arms wrap around her form behind.

"Oh my sweet little Addie! You've come so far, I'm so proud of you!". The young woman could hear the sniffle in Ophelias voice, panicked she hurriedly turned sideways to hold her in her left arm.

Ophelia was one of the few members of her family that actually supported her decision to major in theater and didn't get involved in her personal life. The others in the room clapped before walking back outside again to enjoy the last few rays of sunlight.

Her parents waited as she said her goodbye to her aunt and cousins, her mother gave her and Loki a hug while her father went for a handshake.

"It was so good to see you again sweetie and it was so lovely to meet you Loki". He grinned at that. Adam firmly gripped his hand before addressing his daughter.

"It would have been nice if you could have stayed longer, you used to stay over when-". She cut him off before he could mention him again.

"Yes but it's gonna rain soon and we have an hour to drive, thank you for inviting me, bye". She whistled Alistair over, leashed him and stormed past both her parents, her mother shot a dirty look at her husband.

As Loki said his goodbyes he leaned over to Adams ear to whisper. 

"You should be ashamed of yourself, what kind of father deliberately hurts his daughter and pushes her away like this? You have no right to call yourself a parent, let alone a man, be thankful she isn't vengeful, otherwise I would have send you into the deepest pit there is on this planet with no way out. Do not call her again for the next month's or I'll personaly make sure you know your place".

Loki didn't bother to look at the man's offended face but instead followed Addison outside, she waited leaning against his car, her eyes fixed on one of the other houses in the neighborhood, he recognized the front yard from the picture he saw earlier.

"Are you alright?". He asked, reaching out to wrap his arm around her to which she flinched, he looked at her in concern but she just gave him a half hearted smile. 

"Yeah..I'm fine, let's just...let's just go".

They got in the car and drove off just as it began to rain.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guy´s, 
> 
> I hope all of you are safe, I know recent events are weighing heavily on a lot of people so i´ll try to stay more light hearted for a few chapters. Before we continue though please protect yourself if you protest and respect your boundaries, don´t put your safety, health or sanity on the line.
> 
> Black lives matter and you deserve justice.

Addison watched the rain trickle down the windows of the Jaguar as her fingers followed the trickles. Loki, who was currently waiting for his order in the Asian Take-out restaurant they saw on their drive home, kept glancing at her. Since they left she hadn´t said a word and he was getting more worried by the second.

_Ethan._

The faceless name kept repeating in his head, it plagued him, not knowing who he was or how Addison knew him but gathering from her reaction it couldn´t have been a pleasant reason. Sudden rage spread through his body at the thought that he might be the reason behind Addison´s flinching. Maybe he was why she rarely spoke up, why she was so unsure all the time, why she was so desperate for him not to leave, why she was scared of him. Of course, he had noticed how she was on edge almost constantly and while she had opened up to him, which he was incredibly thankful for, he knew since they first met that there was a voice deep in her subconscious that told her to be wary, to not trust him or anyone else. 

_Ethan._

The more he thought about it the more he began to wonder just what her father had to do with any of this, the way he just casually mentioned him led Loki to the conclusion that maybe no one knew if he had laid a hand on her. The tips of his fingers were already starting to turn blue, he knew it would spread rapidly if he couldn't get hold of his feelings and thoughts. He tried to tell himself that it was all speculation but it would explain a lot, he shivered, suddenly feeling sick as another dark possibility flashed in front of his inner eye.

Had he forced her to do things she didn´t want?

"Two number three noodle boxes and a coke, that´ll be six-fifty please". The voice of the young cashier brought him back. He handed her a hundred dollar bill, took the small plastic bag, and hurried outside. He waited for a moment underneath the roof of the building, trying to will his skin to return to its usual pale complexion again, without success. Luckily it wasn't spreading and he hoped Addison wouldn't notice until it was gone. He climbed into the car and Addison turned the music down, figuring he'd try to talk to her about earlier. 

"Here, you wanted a little bit of peanut sauce right?". She nodded and took the box and soda can from his hand.

"Thank you". She inhaled the savory scent of the grilled noodles and baked chicken, noticing that he had gotten her both chopsticks and a plastic fork she put the later aside and used the sticks to stir her food around.

They ate in silence for a little while, it was Loki that broke the silence first. "I've never eaten food like this before, Thor and I usually get whatever he likes, he knows more about Midgard than I do".

She hummed, swallowing her bite down with a sip of soda. "I like Asian food, you should try crab sometimes, I know a good restaurant".

"I shall take you there soon then. Addison, I have to ask, why didn't you eat today?". He asked carefully, trying not to sound accusing. 

She stopped digging through her box, tightening her hold around the small wooden sticks. "I had a big breakfast...i just wasn't hungry". 

"Darling, you know that I can tell when you lie". She looked away from his gaze. 

"Please forgive my prying love, I worry about your well-being and simply wish to understand, if you don't want to tell me I'll accept your decision". 

She took a deep breath. Instead of looking back at him, she focused on the half-eaten food in her lap, should she tell him? Would he call her weak or stupid? He would respect it if she didn't tell him right? Still tipsy she tried making sense of what to do, a headache was building the more she considered the possibilities, finally, she decided to just tell him.

"My family makes me feel bad when I eat around them..". 

His eyebrows furthered in confusion. "I don't think I understand". 

A hurt smile stretched on her face as she looked at him with shiny eyes. He almost regretted asking but to his shame his curiosity and worry were greater.

"It's because I'm fat Loki, and please, don't give me the whole 'you're not fat or you're just fluffy' shit".

He flinched at the harsh tone of the self insulting words, he knew the hostility wasn´t directed at him though. He carefully thought about his words, he wanted to comfort her but he remembered how she had misinterpreted his words before. It wasn´t her fault, she was impulsive, defensive, nervous about being victimized or manipulated, he recognized those signs, after all, he used to be just like her. 

"I won´t lie to you Addison, you are bigger yes, however that does not mean you are less of a person. It does not matter to me how you look as long as you are healthy, that being said, I think you are simply bewitching".

She snorted but he could see her lips quip upwards. "Thank you, I´m not as good with words as you but, I think you`re wonderful and I want to thank you for coming with me today, I know it probably wasn´t easy for you".

He was about to reply but low thunder started to rumble in the distance, followed by a flash of lightning, both Loki and Addison winced and she turned to him.

"Shit! Where did that come from?! Is it even safe to drive in this weather? We´ll need more than an hour in this storm". She asked, checking the weather forecast on her phone, inhaling through her teeth when she saw the affirmation of her worry.

"Well we can either stay in my car or go to a nearby hotel, I won´t drive through this storm".

The decision was easily made and soon the two found themselves in the lobby of a small pension. Loki had made sure that Alistair was unnoticeable as they entered the building, it was a rather cozy place, the color scheme of dark wood and light creams contrasted beautifully and set a calm atmosphere.

"You two are in luck, we have one spare room left!". The receptionist smiled at the two from behind the computer screen, though there was a pinch of anxiety in her eyes when she noticed Loki.

"However there´s only one bed, the mattresses are separate but they´re right next to each other, will that be okay?". She gave Addison a semi concerned look.

Offended the young woman nodded, waited for Loki to confirm the booking and the keys before dragging him off to their room. He was surprised at her sudden spurt of anger but followed along regardless. It took her a moment to unlock the door, wordlessly glaring at the window once they were inside. The room was small and except the bedside tables, Tv, drawer, and the bed there was no other furniture. Before Loki could say anything he had already noticed Addison removing her shoes and walking to the attached bathroom, she emerged back quickly, her tattoo was now visible again and the makeup she wore for today removed. Loki had made Alistair visible again but no one else would hear, smell or see any signs of him being there, he trotted into a small corner near the radiator and stretched himself out on his back.

"How dare she imply that you would hurt me, I saw how she looked at you like you´re just waiting to...Ugh!" Angrily she threw herself on one of the soft mattresses, watching Loki lower himself on the other one with a shrug.

"Well, I can´t blame her, considering what I did to your planet..". He trailed off, avoiding eye contact in shame.

"It wasn´t your fault, you were mind-controlled, you had no choice and you deserve a second chance". She scooted closer to him, her head resting on his stomach.

This is what she was missing throughout the day, being alone with him. A relieved sigh escaped her when he wrapped his arm around her side, she was finally able to unwind, feel the stress leave her aching body. 

"I´m sorry for my dad, he´s an ass, though I think my mom likes you".

"He reminds me of my father, stubborn, stoic, and rude..."

He trailed off, brushing his fingers through Addison's straightened hair, and massaging her scalp, she relaxed into his ministration and they stayed like that for a few minutes before the god spoke up again. "You know what...how about we go out for breakfast tomorrow, I´m sure we can find a nice place".

"Yeah, that sound´s fantastic! Hey, could you give me something to sleep in?" 

He nodded and conjured up a loose shirt, sweatpants, and fresh underwear for her, her cheeks reddened as she noticed the green pair but it looked surprisingly comfortable and not like lingerie. She grabbed it out of his hands and sprinted to the bathroom. 

"I´ll take a quick shower!". She called back.

"Take your time Love!".

There was a brief silence.

"Hey uh...can you give me a wide-tooth comb and a toothbrush?". 

Both objects, toothpaste, products for curly hair, and some lavender body wash appeared in the sink next to her.

"Thank you!". 

With that, she locked the door and jumped in the shower. The warm water felt great against her sore muscles and combined with the smell of the body wash she let herself calm down. As she rubbed in the shampoo, humming to herself, she noticed how safe she actually felt. She hadn´t even hesitated with taking a shower while he waited for her next doors, he could quite literally just pop in and there would be nothing she could to stop him, yet she felt comfortable and even if she was shy about the underwear he could have chosen something more seductive, yet, he gave her a simple sports bra and panties.

It took her about half an hour to finish, surprisingly she felt good about herself, she didn´t know if it was the shower or Loki´s sweet words from earlier but she felt confident, beautiful even and a plan formed in her head, tonight she´d overstep one of her boundaries, she´d fall asleep in his arms.

Loki himself had changed into something more sleep appropriate while he had waited, a simple green v-neck shirt and black sweats. He was flipping through the channels when he noticed Addison taking her meds before climbing into bed to join him. 

Snuggling under the blankets she scooted towards Loki to let him hold her as he did previously, he was taken aback for a moment but happily accepted her into his hold. A bit of nervousness crept into her when he softly placed his hand on her belly but she ignored it, forcing it down to enjoy the comfort he offered, she could do this, she would do this, for them.

He had already killed the light and turned the tv low, his and Addison´s charging phones both had their alarms set and with the sweet young woman in his arms Loki felt himself start to drift into sleep, he kissed the top of her head, adjusted himself and closed his eyes. 

"Goodnight darling". He yawned, feeling her get comfortable against his side.

"Goodnight Loki..". She replied drowsily. 

Loki waited until she was asleep before allowing himself to do the same.

"Sweet dreams my dear".

He buried his face into her sweet-smelling still damp hair.

"I love you". He whispered before letting sleep consume him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I´d like to apologize for my absence, times have been tough for me and a lot happened. This chapter was hard for me to write but it was cathartic, I apologize for grammatical errors since reading it back was difficult. I´ll be trying to update more frequently and I would like to thank everyone reading, commenting, and liking this fic, it truly means a lot for me.
> 
> TW: Sexual abuse/PTSD/Throwing up

"You feel so good, so tight, so warm".

Grunts, accompanied by the sound of skin hitting skin, pants, and groans filled the room. The young teenage girl clenched the bed sheets tightly, the knuckles starkly visible under her pale skin. Sweat was gathering on her forehead, running down her thighs and between her breasts.

She tried to keep her breathing steady, tried to lay still, and let him do what he wanted. Her neck was starting to ache from how hard he had bitten her there, his grip around her ribcage tightened, digging his thumbs at the base of her breasts, she winced.

"E-Ethan..please slow down". She gasped out, moving her hands to push against his chest.

The man groaned, momentarily letting go of her to adjust his hold to her waist instead.

"I'm gonna finish inside you, god you're so soft".

Addison panicked, trying to push him off but he remained strong in place, she was too small to even get him to budge. She knew he hadn't put on a condom, she was against it but he reassured her that he'd pull out first and that he wouldn't use "stupid wrappers", he said he couldn't feel through them, so, Addison relented finally.

"Stop Ethan, you can't! I'm not on birth control!".

One hand left her waist to clamp over her mouth.

"Hush, I think you'd look good pregnant, don't you agree?" 

He was thrusting much faster now, a tugging pain that started dull now spread through Addison's abdomen to her belly but feeling him halt against her hips was far worse, feeling him collapse on her was worse, feeling him pull out and feeling how something was leaking out of her was worse.

"I love you so much, baby". He breathed out against her, cupping her cheek in one hand.

Addison woke up drenched in cold sweat. Her chest hurt, her body was shaking, her head was spinning and tears were streaming down her face. She felt bile rise in her throat and jumped up from the bed, clutching a hand over her mouth while quietly humming, a trick she learned that kept her sickness at bay. Panicked eyes darted around the unfamiliar surroundings and the dread in her grew.

Where was she?

Why was she here?

What was going on?

Her mind was racing as she tried to figure out the answers to those questions, all the while still desperately seeking for a place where she could empty her stomach.

A gentle cold wetness against her leg momentarily snapped her out of her haze, barely visible in the dark room she saw a glistening pair of dark eyes shine up at her. Alistair had noticed his mistress distress and tried to get her attention and seeing him helped ease some of the anxiety away, Ethan would never allow her to have a dog.

With a now somewhat cleared mind she managed to find the bathroom and fall to her knees in front of the toilet just in time. Addison always hated throwing up, everything about it made her feel worse, the pain of acid traveling through her throat, the after taste, the smell, and the shame. Luckily she hadn't eaten a lot and she rarely puked once her stomach was empty.

She held onto the seat with trembling limbs, Alistair was leaning against her, licking over her sweating face.

“Addison?”. The voice startled her and it took her a few seconds to gather herself, it was Loki.

“I-I´ll be right back...I started feeling sick!”. She blurted out, the nausea worsened at her sudden movement and she instinctively leaned over the toilet again, though this time she only dry heaved.

Loki sprung out of bed worried and was by her side in an instant, his warm hands felt soothing against her cold, shivering skin but despite the calming intention she couldn't help but scramble backward. She felt disgusted, ashamed, and scared, she never wanted him to see her like this, she never wanted to have a nightmare about Ethan again, she thought she had moved on. Tears blurred her vision as she curled in on herself, her stomach and abdomen were cramping up, both from the throwing up and the flashback.

Loki scooted away from her, realizing that she needed space.

The bathroom fell silent besides the mix of hiccups, sniffling, sobbing, and shaky breathing. Loki wanted to help but his sleepy mind couldn't come up with a good solution so for now, he decided to let her cry it out of her system. Neither of them spoke when Addison leaned her head against the wall, nor when she took deep breaths from her nose that she exhaled through quivering lips, moving her hand in sync with the exercise. Only when she stopped shaking when she quietly pulled her knees to her chest and dug her fingernails into her skin did he speak up again.

“May I come closer, Addison?”. He hoped that using her name might bring her out of the state she was in. She shook her head, digging her nails deeper into her skin. She didn't want him to see her like this in the first place, now he´d surely think of her as weak and pathetic. She used to have these nightmares frequently when she went off to college, years of repressed trauma and stress had washed over her mind now that she had separated herself from her tormentor. It had taken years of therapy, tries and errors for her to get better, she still had not fully recovered, the psychosomatic pains always lingered with her no matter how hard she tried to move forward.

“Do you want me to get you some water?”. He carefully asked.

Now that he mentioned it Addison felt the after taste of acid in her dry mouth and throat, she nodded, forcing herself into an upright sitting position. The feeling of being too cold was starting to fade alongside the nausea which relieved Addison greatly, she hated feeling sick.

Loki held the glass out to her which she hesitantly took, careful to not let her skin touch his, she wasn't ready for that yet. Taking a few careful sips she started to feel better almost immediately, the water felt great running down her throat.

“Thanks”. She cringed at how weak her voice sounded.

The silence between the two of them was heavy until Loki cleared his throat.

“I was thinking, since we have today all for ourselves, maybe you can show me how to skate”.

Addison chuckled, she was ready for a heartfelt deep question that she was nowhere near ready to answer, she appreciated what he was doing and nodded.

“I´d like that...what time is it?”.

“5:34”.

Addison groaned, there was no way she´d be able to fall asleep again, the sun would rise soon too anyways, she felt guilty, she had woken up Loki, she should have closed the door behind her, should have tried to keep quiet, try to suppress the vomiting. Logically she knew she couldn't have stopped it or thought about closing the door, her panic-ridden mind and body were in flight, fight and freeze, she knew better than to blame herself but she couldn't help it.

“I'm sorry I woke you up”. She slowly got up, using the wall to balance herself.

Loki stood up himself, offering his hand out to her. 

“Don´t apologize, love, I´m not mad at you”. The affirmation calmed her and gave her the push she needed to accept his hand. He gently clenched his around hers and let her use him for stability, her legs still felt as though they might give underneath her. Alistair walked next to them, watching closely as Loki directed her back to bed. Upon seeing it again a flash of panic surged through her, she didn't want to be anywhere near it!

“You know what we should do? Walk with Alistair while the sun still rises!”. Addison jumped up, trying to get as far away from the bed as she could.

Loki looked outside the window. The sky had already started to fade into a light blue and a peak of yellow was visible at the horizon, he nodded in agreement, conjuring himself and Addison something to wear.

Looking down at herself she was once again surprised at not only how well the clothes suited her but also how good he knew her style. The black knitted sweater wasn´t just warm and soft, it also matched perfectly with the high waisted jeans and her docs, the additional grey scarf contrasted nicely to the dark attire. Brushing her teeth and adjusting her hair to her liking until she was satisfied she exited the bathroom.

Loki was waiting on the bed, Alistair already leashed and concealed to anyone but them. He had opted for his all-black suit.

As they were walking through the streets, hand in hand, her leaning against his side while Alistair was walking ahead she suddenly felt like they were a normal couple. No family issues, no mental health problems, no power or status difference, just two people in a loving relationship. Even when she tried not to think about it she knew that Loki was...more than her. He was a throne heir of another world, a crown prince and god. He was so much more powerful than her, more known and experienced in everything, and yet, he was with her. And whilst a voice in her head told her she was holding him back a bigger, louder part knew that he wanted to be with her, that somehow she was able to give him something no one else could. She smiled to herself and stopped walking, Loki noticed and looked down at her. 

Addison reached her hands up to rest on his shoulders and got on her tiptoes. Loki understood the hint and leaned down. Cupping her face in his free hand and holding her waist with the one that held the leash he kissed her. He felt her relax against him as the sun rose higher in the south, the light shining against their faces warmly. They separated after a few moments, both smiling at each other.


End file.
